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Saturday, March 29, 2008


James has made it safely to Iraq, yay! Well, I mean, not yay that he's there but yay that he made it safely! Okay, so there's not a whole lot to update on but he's at his final destination unless the army decides to be retarded and move him, which is actually possible 'cause they are retarded a lot of the time. His latest report is that there are actually some green plants around where he's at! He says there is a big palm tree right outside his hooch (his own little space/room/thing) so that will be "nice" for him, at least it's not all brown. He also told me that he's already started to collect goodies for the both of us which is neat, so far all I know that he's got is some British Army souvenirs! Fun times, well not really but gotta make the most of it I suppose. BTW, James says hello to all!

Anyways, I'm sorry if I worried any of you with my last post, I tend to be a bit dramatic but it helps me to cope so don't be surprised if you see more posts like it! :) Just one way I deal with things, I'm really okay. I'm not gonna do anything crazy or stupid, I mean, I want to be around to see James again so no worries, please! All of what was in that post is still true, I really don't know how to deal with this situation but I'm managing and staying busy. And I also still don't understand why God is allowing this separation but again I'm managing and staying busy. Like everyone else I have good days and bad days, I had them when James was here and I'll continue to have them the rest of my life. Sometimes when they come around I pray, cry and then get over it, other days I pray, cry, write (sometimes stuff like that post) and then get over it, just how I deal with things. So please don't worry, I will be fine, God is gracious and good to me and I know He'll bring James and me through this time. Until then I will keep livin' life as best as I can and pray that the time goes by quickly! :) Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts, they are always appreciated. Love you all!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Last Moments

Our last moments together...captured by some random dude from the public affairs office here on post.

I really like James in this one. How did I ever find a man that would love me as much as he does? Only by the grace of God.

I was trying so hard not to cry here and this guy comes along and snaps our picture then asks if it's okay if he takes our picture! I was miffed at him at the time but now I'm glad he took these of us. I miss James so much and I can't stand being here alone.

I've got everybody fooled. You all think I'm fine and doing well and I suppose it could be true but inside I feel like I'm being torn apart. I never thought it would hurt as bad as it does having him leave and he didn't even have a choice. I hate going to bed at night because I know he's not going to be there when I lie down. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm in a constant state of prayer, I guess that's good but I don't get much comfort from it. I know as the creature I'm not supposed to ask my Creator why, but I really don't understand what the point of this separation is and why it has to be for so long. And when I tell Him I don't understand the only answer I get is, "You're not meant to." What the HELL!

Okay, now that I've stopped crying and ranting. James called yesterday and we talked for a good half hour which was wonderful. He says that he and two other guys (Zach and Steve) will get together sometimes and talk about "the wives". Good stuff of course, like what we cook, stuff we say that's funny, or stuff we do, things like that. He says it's kind of a way they are coping with things. All in all and given the situation, James is doing well. He's giving himself a $100 a month allowance to spend on whatever he may need or want and is putting it on a refillable debit card that can only be used on the post (base). Anyways, that's the latest on my brave man. Thanks for all your prayers and keep 'em coming!

Sunday, March 16, 2008


Well, it's been just about a week since James left on his/our first deployment and hopefully our last. He left at about 6am last Monday morning and arrived safely at his first destination late Tuesday afternoon after their original Monday flight got delayed. So to continue the drama, one of our good friends and the wife of the Chaplain that deployed with James' unit late Tuesday evening was taken to the local German hospital and ended up in a diabetic coma with a bronchial lung infection that ended up infecting the rest of her body and organs so much so that some of them starting failing and at one point she had to be revived. I heard about all that Wednesday morning. Anyways, her name is Heather and she has two kids, Daniel (12) and Belle (3) who still don't know all the grim details of what was going on with their mom. Her husband, Scott, was flown home and got back here sometime late Wednesday evening, I believe and her parents are now here as well. She had progressively been getting better all week and I just learned this morning that she is no longer in a coma and all her vitals are normal but she is still fighting a lung infection so the are keeping her sedated and have moved her to another hospital that has doctors who specialize in the lung area. So praise God that she is doing better!

Needless to say this last week has been pretty rough. I cried when throwing out some left over "special" food that I had made for James during the last couple weeks he was here, I never thought throwing away a little bit of food would make me cry. And cried a little when doing laundry this past Friday 'cause it was the last little bit of his clothes that he wore while he was here. Yea, I know, pathetic right, well all I gotta say is YOU try dealing with a 15 month separation for the first time and knowing that your husband will be going to a war zone! :P

I do have some things to look forward to, like my mom coming in April, YAY!!! She's gonna be keepin' me busy busy for the two months that she's here. (BTW mom, I dunno if we'll be able to do all your trips on this visit but we can certainly knock out a few of them!) Then when she leaves I'll either start taking a couple of college classes or go home, haven't decided yet so we'll see. Regardless I have an idea of when I'll be seeing James again, roughly around Christmas time. I just hope and pray they change the deployments back to 12 months. I know 3 months may not seem like it would make a whole lot of difference but it really does when you are experiencing it. Anyways, I've also got a few knitting projects that I'll be working on over the next few months so that will keep me busy as well.

So far I've found a great circle of women, some from church and some from my FRG (family readiness group) that I'm comfortable enough to hang out with so they should be keeping me pretty busy too. For a lot of them this is also their first deployment so we can all get together and cry if we need to! Though I much prefer to cry alone but that's just me.

I've already talked to James twice since he's left and it's so wonderful just to hear his voice. He is doing well, he says it's like being on a long field exercise in the desert. And he has a Starbucks closer to him than I have to me and he's in the FRIGGIN' DESERT!!!!!!!!!!! Unbelievable. He's gonna send me a picture of it and I'll post it up here once he does. I'm so jealous. Oh well, such is life I suppose. Anyways, I know a lot of you are praying for us and we are both so thankful that we have you as our prayer warriors 'cause I know we'll need them. I'll keep you as posted as I can to what's goin' on with him and all that so check back every so often for updates! I love you and thanks so much for your prayers!