tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-181020862024-03-07T04:04:07.506-05:00TalithaLeahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-67494087668686021332013-11-10T00:29:00.002-05:002013-11-10T00:29:44.694-05:00way crazy dream...so i've been going through some old journals and making digital copies of them to have and they date as far back as 1998 when i was 16 and go through present day. well i came across something this evening that i wrote in August of 2002. it was a dream i had apparently that made enough impact for me to write it down. you'll see why...it's totally cray cray!<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">August 2002</span></b><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> –(a dream I had) I was with a bunch
of people from my church ECPC (East Cobb Presbyterian Church) and we were in this forest somewhere in Africa,
I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were some natives around
too but we all knew each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were
walking around in the forest and all around people had little bonfires going
for no particular reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then one of
the natives cries out “Sacrifice!” at the top of his lungs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow I knew I was to be the one
sacrificed, so I walked towards the cliff where it was to be held.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came out of the forest into a wide open
area.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ground before me was black,
charred like someone had burned it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
crunched beneath my feet as I walked towards the edge of the cliff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sky was grey like it was going to
storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I got closer to the cliffs
edge I saw three crosses lying on the ground, they were charred like the grass
around them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laid down on the one in
the middle, not on my back but on my stomach and stretched my arms out to the
length of the cross and gripped the edges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was then that I felt someone tying a rope around my ankles and the
cross, my wrists were soon bound as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As this was happening, I noticed that there were two men on the crosses
on either side of me that were being bound in the same manner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At this time the wind picked up and was
blowing violently as if in a storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The men
that had bound us now pushed us over the edge of the cliff and slowly backed
away yet we did not fall, the wind held us in place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we were suspended in the air another man
walked towards us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The clouds in the sky
above us where now turning a deep shade of red but we showed no fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man then cries out “Sacrifice!” over and
over and over, screaming with all his might.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The wind grew more violent and the debris tore away at our skin yet we
remained stationary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sky above us
began to open up and bolts of lightning shot out all around us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was then that I realized there was someone
else on my cross, clinging to me on my back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His hands were out stretched holding mine, sheltering me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The lightning then began to strike at us but I
could feel none of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the while the
man on the cliff was still crying “Sacrifice!” Then just as quickly as it had
started, the lightning stopped, there was no more debris and the red sky had
faded to grey again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next thing I remember
is lying on the ground feeling the ropes around my wrists and ankles being
loosened and taken away and the man who had sheltered me being laid beside
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His skin was black and burnt, I wept
for Him, He had been my only love, My Savior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And then I woke up.</span></div>
Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-72565622025924493672013-02-01T17:47:00.001-05:002013-02-01T17:47:55.785-05:00Afraidso i've never attempted this before but it's something called Five Minute Friday that my sis in law does over <a href="http://alwaysalleluia.com/" target="_blank">here</a> (she's an incredible person and writer, just FYI). there are a group of women that are a part of it and encourage one another through their writing and comments on each others writings. the idea is that Lisa-Jo, the main woman, pics a topic or word and you are then to set your timer for 5 minutes and just write. write what ever comes to your heart within that 5 minutes, no editing, no worries, just free writing and then you link it to her post and let the encouragement flow! i however will not be participating in that aspect of it as i would then need to link this post and i don't post on my blog often enough to do that...at least right now. maybe i will in the future but for now not gonna happen. but i wanted to try it and this is what came out. the word for this friday was Afraid.<br />
<br />
<br />
i've never been one to be afraid of the dark not even as a little kid (at least as i recall, maybe i was) but i am afraid of the darkness within my heart. there are days, like today, where i just wake up feeling dark. which leads me to be mean or unloving/uncaring to those that i DO love like my awesome twin boys and my awesome husband. there is no reason for my behavior and the only explanation is that i am a sinner through and through and i need Jesus every minute of every day. He is the light to my darkness so that i need not be afraid, with His light no darkness can stand not even in the darkest places of my heart. Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-10726642390600633322012-09-09T15:43:00.000-04:002012-09-09T15:46:29.372-04:00Randomness Beginningsokay as promised, here's is what i've got so far on how Cora and Gavin meet. keep in mind i've not yet gotten them to the part that I posted before but i'm working my way there. it's hard for me to piece scenes together but i think it's getting there. anyways, here ya go, enjoy! :-P<br />
<br />
<br />
I ran to my younger sister’s side
when the soldiers burst through the doors of the convents sanctuary.<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Kat,” I whispered while the other
sisters scrambled around us, “you mustn’t let them find out we are related.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put my hands firmly on her shoulders,
“Promise me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave her a quick shake
to get her attention off the chaos around us and look me in the eyes. “Promise
me Kat, whatever happens, promise me you’ll keep silent.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Cora.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave her a sharp look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I promise.” </div>
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“You’ll be safe here; the sisters
will take care of you.” I tried reassuring her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“And if father comes?” She asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“He wants you safe that’s all you
need to worry about.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I whispered.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Then one of the men that broke into
the sanctuary started yelling orders at us, “Everyone in a line, now!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Most of the sisters were frightened
by the intrusion, I tried to play the part as well but I wasn’t afraid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grabbed Kat’s hand and rushed to where the
line was being formed, grabbing another sisters hand upon reaching it to
hopefully show impartiality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man
yelling orders came closer to examine us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was taller than me by a few inches, muscular with sandy blonde hair
cropped short.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have thought him
handsome under different circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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“You, “he pointed at Kat, “come
here.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
He motioned for her to stand next
to him while looking the rest of us over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She looked at me out of the corner of her eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I squeezed her hand and gave the slightest
nod of my head to let her know it was okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She took a deep breath, let go of my hand and walked over to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gazed at her as she walked to him then
wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as if satisfied with his
selection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My blood burned and I wanted
to take his life but just as the thought entered my mind he looked right at me,
as if waiting to see my reaction to his choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Had he seen us together?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I intentionally kept his gaze to assess the sort
of man he was and if he would have noticed us before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His lips curved into a slight smile and gave
me my answer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
He broke eye contact first which
gave me a chance to search him and observe my surroundings, my options for
protecting my sister.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The convent
sisters were now huddled in a group just behind me and the man was in the
process of tying Kat’s hands together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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“So, that’s the sort of man you
are, is it?” I said with spite in my voice hoping it would strike a nerve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It worked. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stopped tying her hands and turned towards
me.</div>
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“And what kind of man would that
be?” He asked with a hint of annoyance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I just thought, given your appearance,”
I looked him up and down and smiled seductively at him, “that you’d rather have
a woman accompany you, not a child.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
looked me over once and gave me a cruel smile before speaking.</div>
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“You’re right, I would rather have
a woman,” he paused, taking a step closer to me, “but I can sell her as a slave
and aside from the obvious, what do you have to offer me that’s more valuable
than gold?” </div>
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“I am a skilled fighter and beside
that, you wouldn’t get much gold selling her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just look at her, she’s scrawny, malnourished, no muscle, you’d be lucky
to negotiate seventy-five pieces of gold for a boy like that let alone a girl
at any slave trade.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could feel the
heat from Kat’s eyes glaring at me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
met her eyes, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you know I mean nothing by
it, sister, just trying to keep you safe.</i></div>
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“You have a quick tongue, I’ll give
you that. “ He scoffed then asked intrigued.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“How are you with a sword?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
laughed to myself, it worked! </div>
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“Better than you might think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let the girl go and I’ll show you how
proficient I am personally.” I smiled playfully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He untied Kat and seeing I had no sword gave
me one from the soldier that he’d ordered over to initially take Kat away then
gave that same soldier his sword.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was
a large man but nothing I couldn’t handle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kat, you need to leave here
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take refuge within the convent and
whatever happens, stay inside.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw
her nod out of the corner of my and then she was gone, I breathed a sigh of
relief then prepared myself for tackling this mountain of a man.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Then prove yourself.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He laughed and gestured one hand toward the
same soldier he’d given his sword.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
He slowly stepped out in front of
me, sword in hand using it like a cane, smirking, as if I were easy prey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With one hand I lifted my sword vertically in
front of me, in a sort of salute, then swung it down, turning it quickly in my
hand while getting into a fighting stance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I waited for him to make the first move, which he eventually did by
taking a swipe at my legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was easy
enough to dodge but I could tell he was holding back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I lifted my sword over my head, gripped
with both hands and lunged at him bringing the sword down as I lunged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was able to block it but it caught him off
guard just enough which allowed me to bring him to his knees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While he was on his knees I kicked him in the
chest and knocked him to the ground and quickly put my swords point to his
neck, drawing a small amount of blood before moving it away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was over faster than either he or his commander
had thought it would be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Impressive,” I eyed him proudly he
scoffed then yelled to his soldier who was still on the ground, giving him a
kick as he stood, “Get up, fool!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Directing his attention back to me, “I presume you have skills other
than swinging a sword around?” It was more of a statement than a question as he
tossed a bow to me while saying it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Where’s my target?” Was all I said
before I saw the soldier I’d bested with the sword dragging a man covered in
filth toward a nearby tree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“There is
your target! “<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He let out a vile laugh,
keeping intense eye contact with me to see if I’d waiver, “Unless of course you
don’t believe in killing innocent people.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
As he was saying this, a young
woman, about my age came running, toward the filthy man appearing to be
searching for someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She looked quite
horrified to see me with a bow strung with an arrow aiming at the man, until I
realized it wasn’t me she was looking at, it was the commander.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I assumed she was in some way connected to
the commander, be it sister, wife, lover or what have you, so I made a quick
decision to aim my arrow at her and then gave him my answer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Before losing my arrow, with a wild
look in my eyes, “That’s just it,” I paused and looked at the woman, giving him
a chance to see my mind then looked back to him adding a fierce smile to my
look, “I don’t believe anyone is innocent.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
As I let the arrow fly from my hand
I could see the horror in his face as he shouted, “NOOO!!” and kicked the end
of the bow in hopes of making me miss my shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wasn’t actually going to let the arrow kill the woman but I wanted it
to be close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used my telepathy skills
to guide the arrow just past her head, deeply grazing her check before it
struck the tree behind her, she let out a shriek and fainted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The commander turned towards me as if to
strike me but thought better of it and ran to the woman’s aid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He picked her up and carried her to a waiting
caravan and put her in the back of one of the carriages before growling orders
at his men to tie me up and put me on the back of his horse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Once they were done looting
provisions from the convent, I was loosely tied up, sitting behind the
commander on his horse at the back of his regiment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked back at the convent one last time
and saw Kat peeking out the front gate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It had been our home for the last three months and it was a little sad
to leave it behind, especially since I didn’t know when I’d see my sister
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She raised her arm up to wave, I
smiled solemnly and turned away so she wouldn’t see the tears that fell.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It was dusk before we reached their
well established encampment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were
a lot of tents set up, what looked to be a whole army’s worth, with three
larger tents in the center of the rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I assumed the one we were heading towards was this commander’s tent and
one of the other two was probably the meeting tent, but what was the third
large tent for?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps it was for the
woman I’d grazed with the arrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we
arrived at the commander’s tent, he hastily got off the horse, brusquely helped
me down and shuffled me inside as if to hide me away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He sat me in a chair and surprisingly untied
me, grabbed a couple of glasses and set them on the table next to me, then
looked around for something to fill them with and upon finding an empty bottle,
glared at me and grabbed both my shoulders hard.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Do not leave this tent.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said nothing in reply so he turned and left
quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After he’d been gone a few
minutes I peeked outside the tent to see if there was an easy way to escape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I was looking around I saw the woman I’d
grazed with an arrow walk into the tent that was just a few yards away from the
one I was in followed by a rather burly man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He looked my way before entering the tent behind her and stared for a
moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked angry like he knew her
wound was my fault, so I ducked back inside the commander’s tent to avoid a
confrontation with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat back down
in the chair I had previously been in and no sooner than I’d sat down, the
commander rushed in with a small bottle of rum.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I downed the first glass he poured
a little more quickly than he expected still a little shaken from the other
mans look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He smiled greedily at me and
poured me another glass after first finishing his.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could only guess what his plans for me were
once the bottle was empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just had to
be sure he drank the lions share without noticing I’d slowed down or stopped
all together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He never spoke while he
was drinking, he just stared at me every so often as he slowly paced the tent
stumbling as he went, removing his boots and jacket then running his hand
through his disheveled hair and letting out a long sigh before slumping into
the chair across from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He drank
another glass; eyeing me the whole time then awkwardly slammed it on the table
next to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stood slowly from my chair
and thought it best not to make eye contact with him yet but poured the last
bit of rum in his glass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put it in his
hand and helped him out of his chair and walked him over to the bed, he took a
few sips from the glass and sat hard on the bed facing me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He swayed even though he was sitting, I knew
then he’d had enough to drink where he wouldn’t remember what we did or didn’t
do tonight.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I unbuttoned and removed his shirt
then pulled off the outer part of my dress leaving the slip underneath on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His eyes blinked heavily as he watched me and
he smiled with delight as I sauntered over to him and laid him back on the
bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was an attractive man in face
and body and losing myself in the moment, having had too much to drink, I
leaned down and kissed him lightly. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
hands twisted through my hair and pulled me closer he was gentle which caught
me off guard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t as unpleasant as
I thought it would be with him either so I lingered there and a moment longer
and as I did so, he passed out.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I sighed then rolled off of him
onto the bed next to him and laid there for a while before moving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a rug made out of a bear skin on
the ground next to his bed that I was going to make my bed tonight so I grabbed
one of the pillows off the bed, found another blanket and curled up on the
ground, my back facing the opening of the tent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometime after I’d lain down on the ground I heard the tent flap open
quietly with a man’s voice following it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Robert!” he hissed sharply, then
again a little louder, “Robert! Get up you lazy…” He trailed off and I guessed
it was because he saw me laying there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t move, pretending to be asleep, when I heard the tent flap close
gently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I soon fell asleep and I slept
surprisingly well for being on the ground.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I woke up when I heard the man I
now knew as Robert stirring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moving as
quickly and quietly as I could, I crawled in bed next to him bringing the
pillow and blanket with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feeling my
movement he draped his arm over my stomach with a grunt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seconds later the tent flap flung open and in
walked the burly man I’d seen with the woman last night.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Robert!” The burly man said
loudly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recognized his voice; it was calmer
this morning that it had been last night.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Robert woke startled when he’d
heard his name; fumbling for the sword he usually kept by his bedside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gave up the quest when he saw who the
voice belonged to and rolling his eyes at the man sat up before speaking.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“What do you want, Gavin?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t you see I’m busy?” He said, gesturing
towards me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat up pulling the blanket
up to my chest and looked at the end of the bed avoiding the eyes I knew were
watching me now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes, I can see the two of you were
in the middle of a wild game of sleeping.” He said with a smirk, I smiled to
myself. “Now, if you are done with your whore, get up, we need to talk.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grimaced at the use of the word whore
towards me, it sounded as if he’d spit it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The tent opened suddenly again and in rushed the woman I’d struck with
an arrow.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Gavin, husband, it’s not his…” She
stopped speaking when she saw me sitting, half dressed, next to Robert on the
bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her face went white, “Oh, I’m
sorry.” She squeaked out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she
turned to leave I thought I saw tears in her eyes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Robert chuckled to himself before
getting out of bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He grabbed a shirt
and pushed past Gavin to leave the tent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Gavin stood there for a moment before he followed Robert out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I made myself look at him before he left, I
had nothing to be ashamed of so there was no reason to hide my face from
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a deep breath in and then
met his gaze, he was strikingly handsome, more so than Robert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His jaw tightened for a brief second when our
eyes met, and then he turned and ducked out of the tent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I let out the breath I was holding then
quickly got up and threw my crumpled dress on and followed him out of the
tent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed to find the woman.</div>
Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-31098636648300491392012-09-02T15:41:00.002-04:002012-09-02T15:41:22.733-04:00couldn't resistwell, i had to post this one too. it's not from a picture but from a video game (same game i saw the picture in) and was heavily inspired by the game itself. also, not all the words are mine, some were taken from the opening sequence of the game, Final Fantasy VIII. also wrote this about ten years ago. <br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Final Fantasy</b><br />
<br />
<b>I stand in a field of flowers. I'll be here...I'll be waiting...here...I'll be waiting...for you...so if you come here...you'll find me...I promise.</b><br />
<br />
<b> In my fantasy you hold me, you hold me close to you. And you can't express your feelings for me because you're afraid, afraid of being alone. But I see the longing inside you and I won't let you go alone, so don't be afraid anymore. Don't fight the feelings within, don't shut me out and leave me all alone again. </b><br />
<br />
<b>I stand in a field of flowers. I'll be here...I'll be waiting...here..I'll be waiting...for you...so if you come here...you'll find me...I promise.</b><br />
<br />
<b> In my fantasy what have I become? I can feel her power surging inside, always trying to gain control; my strength lessens with every encounter. I try so hard to fight her but she takes over, controlling my every move. Locked inside Pandora's box with no hope of escape; a world of pain is laid before me, caused by the evil hidden within.</b><br />
<br />
<b>I stand in a field of flowers. I'll be here...I'll be waiting...here...I'll be waiting...for you...so if you come here...you'll find me...I promise.</b><br />
<br />
<b> In my fantasy you rescue me. I hear you calling and I try to break free but something holds me back. I'm scared; please don't leave me here...alone. Fighting for me you break through my restraints. I'm falling and you run to catch me, I land safely in your arms. Hold me for just a little longer; I'm so afraid...of being alone.</b><br />
<br />
<b>I stand in a field of flowers. I'll be here...I'll be waiting...here...I'll be waiting...for you...so if you come here...you'll find me...I promise.</b><br />
<br />
<b> In my fantasy everything is changing so fast. As long as you're here, I'll never be alone...so I'll be here...I'll be waiting...and if you come here...you'll find me...I promise. This my final fantasy. </b>Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-55914624124313372612012-09-02T15:17:00.001-04:002012-09-02T15:17:23.379-04:00hi again!so i've been away for a while, literally and figuratively. the figuratively not so much by choice as much by life. the boys have been teething non stop these days it seems, which is overwhelming for them and me! lots of fussing to be had by all for sure, ugh. in any case, i've been trying to write more to the beginnings of this random story that's in my head and well, it's hard. not because i don't know the basics of their story, more because i'm not sure how to piece it together in a way that sounds right. i don't claim to be a great writer but shouldn't i at least like my own stuff? well i don't, at the moment. so, i'm still working on it...months later...HA! :-P not that anybody reads my blog anyway lol so i guess it's cool that it's been a long time since i posted something. now to leave you with something to read. i wrote this from a picture. here you go! btw i wrote it about ten years ago. (yea i know, i've got nothing new :-P)<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b> We stood in the middle of the ocean in a long awaited embrace. Nothing around us as far as the eye could see except the still blue waters. There we stood, yes, we stood, with the water coming up to just above our knees. Your guess is as good as ours as to how that was possible, it yet remains a mystery to us as well. But that was the furthest thing from our thoughts.</b></i><br />
<i><b> The moon was rising in the heavens giving us the only light we had that night. The stars were covered by clouds but the moon somehow escaped their covering creating creating a brilliant light for us among the clouds and a radiant reflection on the waters surrounding us. And there we stood in the midst of this beautiful scene, locked in our embrace... </b></i><br />
<br />Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-8139134393499247382012-05-03T13:54:00.002-04:002012-05-03T13:54:33.855-04:00Randomness so farOkay this is what I have so far. I thought I'd post it all together so you don't have to search the blog to find it. Maybe one day I'll organize it and put all my "story" writings in one spot so they are easier to locate. Anyways, still working on the back story for these two. Have had family in town and been distracted by my boys lately so this is just the rest of what I'd already started posting here. Enjoy...or don't...whatevs! :-P <br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I heard him groaning and looked over
at him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was starting to stir after
four days of being unconscious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He sat
up looking puzzled, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Where are we?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s that sound?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“We’re in a cave near a lagoon with
waterfall. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The river runs from here into
your kingdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you remember anything
that happened?” I asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He thought for
a moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I remember my brother standing over
me with his sword drawn and my wife was lying somewhere nearby, injured and the
baby…” He groaned again and grabbed his left side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I guess he tried to stab me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I cut him off, “No, Gavin, he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did</i> stab you and almost killed
you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What happened to my wife? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is she
safe? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What of the baby?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Your wife is alive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they believe the child is alive also,
but.” I paused, not sure how much I should tell him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
“<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I couldn’t heal your wife and save
the baby…“ I took a deep breath and let it out, “and you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sorry.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
He put his head in his hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You chose to save me and not my child, why?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I didn’t have the heart to tell him
the child wasn’t his not so soon after what had happened to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His own brother betrayed him, slept with his
wife conceiving a child with her, stabbed him and left him for dead just so
that he could be the one to sit on the throne when their ailing father died, so
I didn’t answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
He looked up at me, “Why?” There was
anger in his voice now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I cannot say. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not yet.” He tried to stand. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“No, you mustn’t or you’ll tear the...”
It was too late he was already bleeding as I rushed over to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Here, lean on me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I helped him stand and we walked to the bank
of the lagoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat him on a rock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Please, be still and sit while I get
something to fix this with.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
He wouldn’t look at me but he stayed
where I put him and for that I was thankful as I hurried back to the cave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even with all my skills as a healer, it took
everything in me to keep him from dying let alone heal the gaping hole his
brother’s sword left in him while also trying to heal his wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found what I needed in my satchel and tore
some cloth off my skirt to use to wash and wrap his wound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started out of the cave, his back was
facing me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His shoulders were broad,
muscular. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I swallowed hard and continued
toward him, stopping to wet the cloth from my skirt in the water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He watched me now as I sat on my knees in
front of him and wrung out the cloth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Neither of us spoke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried not
to glance at him as I cleaned his wound and stopped the bleeding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see him taking slow deep breaths to
manage his pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I made an effort to be
gentle as I put my hands over the gash but when I touched him a shock went
through me and I jerked my hands away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
looked up at him for the first time since I’d sat down in front of him, he was
very handsome and it caught my breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
hadn’t moved, maybe he didn’t feel it, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did
I imagine that?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Everything alright?” he asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shaking my head and avoiding his question, I
put my hands back on his wound, “This may hurt.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I felt his stomach tense up before
the healing force left me and went into him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His breath quickened as did mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My hands were shaking, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it’s
working!</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw his wound begin to
heal and then it stopped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I moved my
hands away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked down at me but I
could only look at the hole still in his side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He put his index finger in the gash, winced a little then chuckled to
himself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“That’s amazing!” he said still
laughing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stared at him for a moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seemed so pleased with what I’d managed to
repair that I couldn’t help but smile a little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I’m sorry I couldn’t heal it
completely.” I looked down at my hands in my lap and fidgeted with a string
from my torn skirt.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Nonsense,” He stood slowly, looked
up at the sky then closed his eyes. “Thank you, Cora.” He said as he put his
hand down to help me up. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grasped it
and stood with him until he began sniffing the air.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Is that me?” He asked with his nose
turned up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laughed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes, I’m afraid so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have been unconscious for four days and I
certainly wasn’t going to assume it was okay for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i> to bathe you.” I said holding back a smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
He frowned and started walking
towards the lagoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went back to the
cave and grabbed the bar of soap I kept in my satchel and followed after him
figuring he might want to do more than just splash water on himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was removing his shirt and half way in the
water when I got there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stopped short
as he pulled his shirt off and I saw his upper body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like his muscles had been carved onto
him, he was statuesque and I couldn’t help but admire him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cleared his throat when he saw I was standing
there gaping at him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I blushed and
sheepishly continued forward into the water until I was standing about a foot
or so from him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Here, I thought you might like to
actually bathe.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I avoided eye contact
as I broke the bar in two and handed him half.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“I thought I’d wash our clothes and maybe bathe too, over there.” I
pointed to a place across the lagoon hidden behind some boulders. “You’ll have
some privacy and so will I.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eyes
kept wandering back to his chest as I spoke which made it hard to concentrate
on much else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked up at him when he
took his half of the soap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then
something strange took place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I flung my
arms around his neck and kissed him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
muscular arms folded around me crushed my body to his as he continued to kiss
me softly then with more zeal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time
passed slowly and held us in this embrace and I longed for more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
shiver went down my spine.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Are you okay?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard him speak but it took me a minute to
realize what had occurred and even then I wasn’t so sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stared at him for a while longer before I
could catch my breath enough to speak.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes, I’m fine.” I faked an awkward
smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m just going to go wash up
now.” I grabbed his shirt that was floating nearby and hurriedly made my way across
the lagoon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Thanks for the soap!” He shouted to
me as I practically ran from him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
When I reached the other side of the
lagoon I leaned my back up against one of the boulders that blocked my view of
this burly man and let out a long sigh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What was that?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I closed my eyes playing the scene over again
in my head trying to make sense of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Opening my eyes I decided to let it go, sighed again and removed the
outer part of my dress to wash it, leaving my underskirt on incase Gavin were
to venture over here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I had just finished washing our
clothes and was starting to clean myself when I heard Gavin approach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I slipped the straps of my underskirt back
over my shoulders and looked behind me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was smiling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As he walked to
me I turned to face him, one of his arms was stretched out towards my head.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“You have something,” he picked at
my hair, “some twigs in your hair.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
chuckled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Immediately my hands flew up
to my head to check if there was more debris hanging out up there, thankfully
there wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How embarrassing.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Thanks.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I smiled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He stepped closer then stopped. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I, um, I just wanted to give you
back your soap.” He said as he awkwardly handed me his broken half.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Oh, right, of course.” I laughed
quietly trying my best to avoid exploring his body with my eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave him his clean shirt he smiled in
thanks and headed back toward the cave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I’m going back to start a fire for
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The weather will be cold tonight.”
He called over his shoulder as he left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I stood there puzzled as to how he knew this since it had been quite
warm the last few days and nights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t follow after him right away like I wanted to, I thought it best to give
myself time apart from him so there weren’t any more visions or whatever it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead I took a leisurely swim around the
lagoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I thought enough time had passed
I made my way back to the cavern.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
Daylight was fading upon my arrival
and I noticed that Gavin wasn’t there but he’d managed to get a fire going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oh
good, it’s starting to get a little chilly out here.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I set my wet clothes on a large fallen tree
trunk that he had started the fire by and sat down next to them to keep myself
warm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fire must have put me in a
daze because I didn’t notice when Gavin returned from wherever he’d gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was sitting next to me with his forearms
resting on his thighs and his lips pressed together in thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Thank you for starting a
fire.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I smiled at him and observed his
features in the firelight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked at
me and returned my smile.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“You’re welcome.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cleared his throat as if to say more then
shifted uncomfortably to avoid saying whatever it was that was on his mind and
went back to watching the fire.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Where did you go?” I asked,
wondering why it felt awkward between us all of the sudden.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Hmm?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was very distracted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“You weren’t here when I came in
from swimming.” I pressed, determined to break this weird awkwardness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Oh, I was walking the grounds
around the lagoon to see how vulnerable we would be to anyone finding us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said avoiding eye contact.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“And?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I think we will be fine for now but
we probably shouldn’t stay here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You did
well picking this spot.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said,
looking at me this time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Thank you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I agree, we should move on soon but your wound
needs a few more days to heal before we can start traveling.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A gust of wind swept up behind us caught my
breath and made me shiver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instinctively
he moved closer to me but then stood up and walked into the cave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came back out moments later with the two
blankets I had obtained from the nearby village while he was unconscious and
wrapped one around me before sitting down again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wrapped the other blanket half around
himself and half around me then pulled me closer to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was glad of the warmth and laid my head on
his shoulder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I shivered again, he
grabbed my legs, laid them across his lap and hugged them to his body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was pleasant being in his sturdy arms so I
didn’t fight him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I must have fallen asleep because I
woke up, sometime in the night, on the floor of the cave next to another fire
only this one was smaller.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was about
to sit up when I felt a heavy weight draped over my side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I moved one of the blankets and saw that it
was Gavin’s arm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I smiled to myself he
was still a gentleman as he’d left one of the blankets between us covering me
before lying down with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He began to
stir and gently started pulling me closer to him, I stopped him which woke him
and he sat up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I’m sorry, I was only trying
to.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat up and cut him off, “Shh,
it’s ok.” I whispered then moved the blanket that was only on me and put it
over both of us and adjusted the one he’d been using so that it too was over us
and lay back down on my side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also
laid down, this time on his back with one arm, the one closest to me, behind
his head and let out a long sigh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
rolled to face him and sat up on my elbow, my head resting in my hand, he was
looking up at the sky with his lips parted, his chest rising and falling with
his soft breathing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh how I wanted to
press my lips to his.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked at me
then as if he’d heard my thought and smiled warmly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Thank you.” He said rolling to his
side, resting on his elbow.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“For what?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked furrowing my brow confused. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“For sharing your warmth with
me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He chuckled softly while looking
down at his hands and picking at his fingers, he was holding something back.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Oh,” I laughed nervously, “of
course, I mean I want to stay warm too.” I said while watching his hands
waiting for him to say what was making him act so uneasy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Earlier, when you gave me the soap…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He paused considering whether he should say
more and then decided to, “Your eyes, it looked like,” he struggled with
finding words, my heart stopped, “you looked like you were in a haze or trance
or something.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eyes widened, my heart
was racing now and I quickly glanced up at him to see if he noticed, thankfully
he seemed unaware, I sighed in relief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How do I explain this without saying too
much?</i> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yea, uh, I get these visions
sometimes when I touch people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
usually nothing more than a quick flash of an image or two, generally of what
the other person is feeling or maybe wants.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“It seemed to be intense, whatever
it was.” He said, pressing for more information.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was very intense.” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
I recalled the vision of the two of us my breath quickened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He noticed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“So what did you see?” He asked very
bluntly which surprised me a little. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I looked him directly in the eyes, “Um,
nothing, at least nothing for you to be concerned with.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked away before I could finish.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
Not satisfied with my answer, “An
intense nothing, huh?” he asked incredulously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I peeked up at him then turned my face away quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“So you didn’t see you put your arms around
my neck and kiss me then?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mouth
dropped open and my eyes widened again as I turned to stare at him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“You saw that?” I asked
bewildered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes.” He said then added a little
discouraged, “You didn’t?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His face was
tense, I had to look away to compose myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“That is what I saw, but…” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do I tell him there’s more?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As if hearing my thoughts he spoke up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“But there’s more.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t a question, he stated it as
fact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How did he know?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I whispered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“How did you..?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“To be honest,” He cut me off and let out a deep
breath before continuing, “I was disappointed when I realized it hadn’t
happened.” I swallowed hard, my eyes searching his face.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“What?” I didn’t have time to finish
my question before he brushed the hair out of my face and put his hand behind
my head and leaned in to kiss me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-21205623469859128742012-04-13T16:44:00.000-04:002012-04-13T16:44:04.918-04:00WritingOMGosh!!!!!! I am on FIRE with writing in the last 24+ hours!!! It feels SO good to write again and it makes me so happy to get this crap outa my head, heehee! :-D Will post more a little later, maybe even tomorrow depending on how the rest of my day goes...the boys didn't take their afternoon nap so it could make for a very fussy next few hours...but YAY for writing!!Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-78888771683007162532012-04-11T23:03:00.002-04:002012-04-11T23:03:40.771-04:00Randomness ContinuedOh boy, here we go again with my terrible writing, yay! So it clearly takes me awhile to write anything, but especially "creative" things and I was stuck on one part of this which is why it took so long for me to post it here. Part of the problem I have is that I see these scenes or whatever you want to call them as movie scenes rather than in novel form so it makes it difficult (for me) to give a lot of details on things like the environment. For instance, the lagoon that Cora and Gavin are at is really beautiful in my head but trying to explain it out in my writing it just doesn't translate. Also, I've been "seeing" more to the back story on these two which has been kinda fun so I'll see if I can hash some of that out at some point so that what I've put here will make a little more sense. Not that it really matters cuz no one reads this blog anymore, haha! :-P That's okay, it feels good to be writing again, whether anyone reads it or not! :-D Enjoy?!<br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Is that me?” He asked with his nose
turned up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laughed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes, I’m afraid so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have been unconscious for four days and I
certainly wasn’t going to assume it was okay for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i> to bathe you.” I said holding back a smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
He frowned and started walking
towards the lagoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went back to the
cave and grabbed the bar of soap I kept in my satchel and followed after him
figuring he might want to do more than just splash water on himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was removing his shirt and half way in the
water when I got there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stopped short
as he pulled his shirt off and I saw his upper body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like his muscles had been carved onto
him, he was statuesque and I couldn’t help but admire him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cleared his throat when he saw I was standing
there gaping at him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I blushed and
sheepishly continued forward into the water until I was standing about a foot
or so from him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Here, I thought you might like to
actually bathe.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I avoided eye contact
as I broke the bar in two and handed him half.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“I thought I’d wash our clothes and maybe bathe too, over there.” I
pointed to a place across the lagoon hidden behind some boulders. “You’ll have
some privacy and so will I.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eyes
kept wandering back to his chest as I spoke which made it hard to concentrate
on much else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked up at him when he
took his half of the soap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then
something strange took place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I flung my
arms around his neck and kissed him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
muscular arms folded around me crushed my body to his as he continued to kiss
me softly then with more zeal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time
passed slowly and held us in this embrace and I longed for more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
shiver went down my spine.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Are you okay?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard him speak but it took me a minute to
realize what had occurred and even then I wasn’t so sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stared at him for a while longer before I
could catch my breath enough to speak.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes, I’m fine.” I faked an awkward
smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m just going to go wash up
now.” I grabbed his shirt that was floating nearby and hurriedly made my way
across the lagoon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Thanks for the soap!” He shouted to
me as I practically ran from him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
When I reached the other side of the
lagoon I leaned my back up against one of the boulders that blocked my view of
this burly man and let out a long sigh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What was that?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I closed my eyes playing the scene over again
in my head trying to make sense of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Opening my eyes I decided to let it go, sighed again and removed the
outer part of my dress to wash it, leaving my underskirt on incase Gavin were
to venture over here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I had just finished washing our
clothes and was starting to clean myself when I heard Gavin approach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I slipped the straps of my underskirt back
over my shoulders and looked behind me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was smiling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As he walked to
me I turned to face him, one of his arms was stretched out towards my head.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“You have something,” he picked at
my hair, “some twigs in your hair.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
chuckled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Immediately my hands flew up
to my head to check if there was more debris hanging out up there, thankfully
there wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How embarrassing.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Thanks.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I smiled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He stepped closer then stopped. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I, um, I just wanted to give you
back your soap.” He said as he awkwardly handed me his broken half.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Oh, right, of course.” I laughed
quietly trying my best to avoid exploring his body with my eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave him his clean shirt he smiled in
thanks and headed back toward the cave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I’m going back to start a fire for
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The weather will be cold tonight.”
He called over his shoulder as he left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I stood there puzzled as to how he knew this since it had been quite
warm the last few days and nights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t follow after him right away like I wanted to, I thought it best to give
myself time apart from him so there weren’t any more visions or whatever it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead I took a leisurely swim around the
lagoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I thought enough time had passed
I made my way back to the cavern.</div>Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-73942631531818826312012-03-31T23:24:00.001-04:002012-03-31T23:24:30.716-04:00Proud MomentOkay, I'll readily admit that I'm not a suzyhomemaker, though some days I like to think of myself as one, I am definitely not one. That being said I have to say I'm quiet proud of myself. I tried making <a href="http://www.stacymakescents.com/fix-and-forget-friday-crock-pot-yogurt" target="_blank">crock pot yogurt</a> the other day and totally failed and am still not sure what I did wrong but it was like water...gross. Determined to make my own yogurt I tried again the next day and kind of succeeded but it was still a little runny for my liking (I really <b><i>LOVE</i></b> the texture and creaminess of Greek yogurt). So I thought I'd take a little bit of my runny regular yogurt and try my hand at making some <a href="http://www.stacymakescents.com/homemade-greek-yogurt" target="_blank">Greek yogurt</a> today and...I totally made Greek yogurt!!!!!!!! It was a complete success!!! AND it actually tastes good!!! It's still not quite up to par with my favorite brand of Greek yogurt but it is close and I'll take what I can get so I don't have to spend the $$ on the kind I like for now. I'm so proud of myself, maybe I shouldn't be but I so am! :) Also I made some yummy red chili for the first time tonight, another win, yay!Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-2192702186301626072012-03-19T15:57:00.002-04:002012-03-21T10:22:06.997-04:00RandomnessSo this is incomplete, as is most of my writing, but I thought I'd give you (whoever you may be) a taste of the randomness that flows through my brain. I've got more to this scene, story or whatever it is but not typed yet so you'll just have to wait until I have another moment to write. Also, I know I suck pretty bad at writing, grammar, being creative, etc. so if you feel the need to comment, please please PLEASE, be gentle. Thanks!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I heard him groaning and looked over
at him. He was starting to stir after
four days of being unconscious. He sat
up looking puzzled, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Where are we? What’s that sound?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“We’re in a cave near a lagoon with
waterfall. The river runs from here into
your kingdom. Do you remember anything
that happened?” I asked. He thought for
a moment. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I remember my brother standing over
me with his sword drawn and my wife was lying somewhere nearby, injured and the
baby…” He groaned again and grabbed his left side. “I guess he tried to stab me.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I cut him off, “No, Gavin, he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did</i> stab you and almost killed
you.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes. I remember.
What happened to my wife? Is she
safe? What of the baby?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“Your wife is alive. And they believe the child is alive also,
but.” I paused, not sure how much I should tell him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
“ What?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I couldn’t heal your wife and save
the baby…“ I took a deep breath and let it out, “and you. I’m sorry.”
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
He put his head in his hands. “You chose to save me and not my child, why?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
I didn’t have the heart to tell him
the child wasn’t his not so soon after what had happened to him. His own brother betrayed him, slept with his
wife conceiving a child with her, stabbed him and left him for dead just so
that he could be the one to sit on the throne when their ailing father died, so
I didn’t answer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
He looked up at me, “Why?” There was
anger in his voice now. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“I cannot say. Not yet.” He tried to stand. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
“No, you mustn’t or you’ll tear the...”
It was too late he was already bleeding as I rushed over to him. “Here, lean on me.” I helped him stand and we walked to the bank
of the lagoon. I sat him on a rock. “Please, be still and sit while I get
something to fix this with.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
He wouldn’t look at me but he stayed
where I put him and for that I was thankful as I hurried back to the cave. Even with all my skills as a healer, it took
everything in me to keep him from dying let alone heal the gaping hole his
brother’s sword left in him while also trying to heal his wife. I found what I needed in my satchel and tore
some cloth off my skirt to use to wash and wrap his wound. I started out of the cave, his back was
facing me. His shoulders were broad,
muscular. I swallowed hard and continued
toward him, stopping to wet the cloth from my skirt in the water. He watched me now as I sat on my knees in
front of him and wrung out the cloth.
Neither of us spoke. I tried not
to glance at him as I cleaned his wound and stopped the bleeding. I could see him taking slow deep breaths to
manage his pain. I made an effort to be
gentle as I put my hands over the gash but when I touched him a shock went
through me and I jerked my hands away. I
looked up at him for the first time since I’d sat down in front of him, he was
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<!-->I grasped it and stood with him
until he began sniffing the air.</div>
</div>Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-30618682015124716382012-02-29T12:11:00.003-05:002012-02-29T12:11:18.994-05:00TearsTears flow from my eyes like rain from the clouds. Why? I was moved by this song "I love Your Love" by Enter the Worship Circle. It's been so long since I've wanted to listen to praise music and as I was listening to other songs in my iTunes I saw the name of this song and remembered liking it and tried playing it. It said it couldn't be found and would I like to locate it, I knew exactly were to look so I found it and started playing it. It's beautiful. So refreshing. I want to worship more, but I need to feed my boys. Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-61354058669653118032012-02-23T14:03:00.001-05:002012-02-23T14:03:18.929-05:00TwilightSo I'm not a twilight fanatic but I do enjoy the books and movies for what they are - a love story written for teenagers. My husband took me to see the newest one in theater and we recently watched it again on DVD and I have to say, I really enjoy the music and musical score in this film and in the other films. I dunno if it's just the association with the films/stories or what but I can't get this music out of my head lately. I liken it to video game music...yes I know that sounds weird but I'll try to explain...I love playing RPGs (role playing video games) like the Final Fantasy series. I play them because it's almost like reading a book that you get to be involved in or play through with it's own musical score. You get to help the main characters succeed or fail (depending on the storyline) in their quest and of course there is usually some sort of love story intertwined in them. When the story is entertaining, even if poorly written (because we all know I"m such a great authority on writing), it leaves a mark on me that is only exaggerated by the music that accompanies it. It inspires a sense of, I dunno, excitement, I guess, for the story and characters in such a way that I want to be them or create my own story. The music plays a monumental role in this because when I hear it it brings back all the feelings the characters went through and in a way makes me feel them too which in turn inspires me to want to recreate that for others in a story of my own. I guess I like listening to it because it makes me feel good and takes me out of reality for a time, which is nice. Anyways, I know that's weird but it is what it is and I'm enjoying the music for now.Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-19027816209053528242012-02-13T23:59:00.000-05:002012-02-14T01:51:02.373-05:00The BoysI have the cutest boys ever...<br />
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...just sayin...Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-83009185230762921752012-02-08T10:30:00.001-05:002012-02-13T23:28:57.300-05:00EpiphanyI just realized something while talking with my husband a few days ago and then again while talking with my sister in law today. I don't know how to say it other than I "hang in there". It's what I do. Maybe that is what my calling is, to endure life by "hanging in there". I have to admit, it's not as fun as it sounds. <br />
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Here I am, wife of a seminary student who hopes to be a youth pastor one day and mother of twin 9 month old boys. My life has changed drastically in the last 3 years. <br />
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My husband got home from Iraq at the end of May 2009 after having been deployed for 15 months. In August 2009, we move back to the states (we were living in Germany). In September 2009 he starts a completely different job, military to 2 year youth ministry intern. April 2010, we go on a missions trip to Peru with our church. Early July 2010 we find out we are pregnant. Late July 2010 I have a miscarriage. Early October 2010 we find out I am pregnant again. Late October 2010, we are in a 3 way car accident, all three cars totaled, we loose the newer car we had just finished paying off. Oh and did I mention that happened as we were on our way to my first prenatal appointment? Yeah. We weren't able to make it to that appointment, so I had to reschedule for the following Monday (the accident happened on a Friday). So again, late October 2010, find out the baby was fine from the accident and not only was the baby fine but they were BOTH fine...that is when we found out it was twins. January 2011 officially find out we are having boys. March 2011 my husband decides he wants to check out a seminary in the midwest (we were living in the south at the time). Early April 2011 we drive 15 hours to check out said seminary, spend one full day sitting in classes & exploring the campus, then drive 11 hours back "home". Mid April 2011, the decision was made to move to the midwest to go to said seminary. Late April 2011, our boys were born 5 weeks early. Late July 2011, we pack up and hit the road with our boys & my mom and move to the midwest. August 2011, my husband starts seminary. <br />
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February 2012 and we are still here. I hate to say this but it's the truth, I really don't like it here. Everyone said this would be a great place for my husband to go to school and that the community here would be great for us as a family. I disagree with the latter part of that, we (or maybe it's just me) are pretty isolated even with most of our neighbors being seminary students and their families. So what did a write all of the timeline stuff for, well, I guess it's just proof to myself that I can look back on and see that, yea, I do hang in there...a lot. Bottom line, it sucks and I'm tired of it.<br />
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What a great pastor's wife I'll make, oh boy! :PLeahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-20677522957643915712009-03-09T10:37:00.002-04:002009-03-09T10:45:17.293-04:00awake one long night<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLIC8cyteTAyFHMgL03upUnm4DNTI4XALGU32pdA6Ecx0PWS-jPgiROfZeBkUcS_aMS-T5hNpFiUp0s8Vnuuot7LEGMhVSKYlSXN5erhoSTcEPc4PzjPI8JRCs9eVyjtvd6UiBqA/s1600-h/mountains.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLIC8cyteTAyFHMgL03upUnm4DNTI4XALGU32pdA6Ecx0PWS-jPgiROfZeBkUcS_aMS-T5hNpFiUp0s8Vnuuot7LEGMhVSKYlSXN5erhoSTcEPc4PzjPI8JRCs9eVyjtvd6UiBqA/s320/mountains.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5311199067000510290" /></a><br /><br /><br />from my journal march 8, 2009 at 3:00am<br /><br />with a sigh goes my prayer, Holy Spirit interpret what you hear. Jesus Your blood covers all, please lift me up no matter how much i fall. i know You are doing some great work within me, to make me ever more like Thee. so before the burning alter i stand, willing to offer myself again and again. until the work You have started is complete and i lay everything always at Your feet. then Your blessings will all pour out and i will no longer be filled with doubt. on that day i will truly understand that i am always and forever in Your loving hands.Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-73092789397548635012009-02-27T18:11:00.002-05:002009-02-27T18:33:50.120-05:00Am I Lovey?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoleNBH2JoLogEOCmFmKvTeMS9UFk31rpttP8vilaCdHoomvPYlfrB0Unsh4Rx0rcq8dmiD3Ji3cUcOhi_VltX47IGbeMkrwjDhmnev8huelBhYwmJnSUPnG7WyMICZMU_j-VDiw/s1600-h/IMG_0046.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoleNBH2JoLogEOCmFmKvTeMS9UFk31rpttP8vilaCdHoomvPYlfrB0Unsh4Rx0rcq8dmiD3Ji3cUcOhi_VltX47IGbeMkrwjDhmnev8huelBhYwmJnSUPnG7WyMICZMU_j-VDiw/s320/IMG_0046.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307624219207277778" /></a><br /><br />Am I lovely? Trying to capture this beauty that I know lies somewhere deep within. "You are a strong woman" they say. Am I? How can you tell? What is it that you see? It cannot be this same woman who feels so alone in a crowded room or the one who, even among friends, feels abandoned. No it cannot be her. Not the woman who brings nothing but frustration and hardship to her husband. Nor the woman who cries for the loss of something she's never had. Certainly it is not her. How can it be? Am I lovely? Where is this beauty within? I cannot find it, but it must be here, I just know it is, somewhere...<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4rbf_ZdLCDhflkkj94f-CPb9hgqhTeut1PNDj_Ng5FKjN2Y-dJRTUZ_ohRsH5l5RYQbaJ-vArcCEBxM08AqNYkcgj9-0goKWjUQoD_ojSEDPHIBJRV8tSs3R-2QW2KO6wtpSd_w/s1600-h/IMG_0048.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4rbf_ZdLCDhflkkj94f-CPb9hgqhTeut1PNDj_Ng5FKjN2Y-dJRTUZ_ohRsH5l5RYQbaJ-vArcCEBxM08AqNYkcgj9-0goKWjUQoD_ojSEDPHIBJRV8tSs3R-2QW2KO6wtpSd_w/s320/IMG_0048.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307623630646983874" /></a>Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-46845675870700374662008-09-14T17:38:00.003-04:002008-09-14T18:25:55.162-04:00something new<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6azoBfOiC3mnj9GaA5GLqCyU8HB109Lr8BnVfQqsO5etmk-M7E5Bg0yz6ASJnZI6_U41_z-55w_nx8eWx2V01JRJoxXD0D9fsiFifgANBuEtWk_T6rZRwJgAw1nGFjY4PsilYw/s1600-h/IMG_2910.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6azoBfOiC3mnj9GaA5GLqCyU8HB109Lr8BnVfQqsO5etmk-M7E5Bg0yz6ASJnZI6_U41_z-55w_nx8eWx2V01JRJoxXD0D9fsiFifgANBuEtWk_T6rZRwJgAw1nGFjY4PsilYw/s320/IMG_2910.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246004921937222322" /></a><br />flowers that James surprised me with one saturday afternoon! so sweet! <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIFbiz26eLDFtTQ7YG7KEQk6PwATK2HHpFgdUbR7MgS2QJGd3f5Rmq2aQz22XFt9ceT_HAOpHziHHrEqEnHDYzuRBouO6L2UsatoRKQKOZMK5Z9vpIPqsntlEoXqaRF7XclGoVcw/s1600-h/IMG_2920.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIFbiz26eLDFtTQ7YG7KEQk6PwATK2HHpFgdUbR7MgS2QJGd3f5Rmq2aQz22XFt9ceT_HAOpHziHHrEqEnHDYzuRBouO6L2UsatoRKQKOZMK5Z9vpIPqsntlEoXqaRF7XclGoVcw/s320/IMG_2920.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246004927612595458" /></a><br />one with me and the purdy flowers :D<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVNd94CHsYY0iTFynEDOrchbGWHXmse3_c2VUypXsrjwpgchagXl2bJypiJXpCdj7MtPzPOK7z5fkYYaYuh0sznzT-u5LINm-IIvcOo7RvGnqb_lbCU4bIt9i5sUGazgc3X8SEaw/s1600-h/IMG_2662.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVNd94CHsYY0iTFynEDOrchbGWHXmse3_c2VUypXsrjwpgchagXl2bJypiJXpCdj7MtPzPOK7z5fkYYaYuh0sznzT-u5LINm-IIvcOo7RvGnqb_lbCU4bIt9i5sUGazgc3X8SEaw/s320/IMG_2662.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246004928757066994" /></a><br />neat shot, somewhere along the royal mile in scotland.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1735pO-CRYzS9TjzPErq-tQu5-cYa-RAWOQGywbq0xgqtTtVUrplSvJZMKragQQwyfpn7-BylSumv1i8Ris4ioBzFhSHy1jEB6b35pMHhUf3AJWuLJ1nnCZHg7Vcew2i_9pLJ9A/s1600-h/IMG_2703.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1735pO-CRYzS9TjzPErq-tQu5-cYa-RAWOQGywbq0xgqtTtVUrplSvJZMKragQQwyfpn7-BylSumv1i8Ris4ioBzFhSHy1jEB6b35pMHhUf3AJWuLJ1nnCZHg7Vcew2i_9pLJ9A/s320/IMG_2703.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246004939256949266" /></a><br />edinburgh castle, high upon a rocky hill, neat!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl4CDHXSs2MumHmh5btA5ckNsXhTHHW729EbwhiXVVrAeJcFiiAe4ENA224Z0ExgFlAe-HiBi0Ch41ksobPU89eVKCKQ7_aXPDpdC-pXT7H9MJeQddKxFTviBhMznktNlVGYdqCQ/s1600-h/IMG_2709.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl4CDHXSs2MumHmh5btA5ckNsXhTHHW729EbwhiXVVrAeJcFiiAe4ENA224Z0ExgFlAe-HiBi0Ch41ksobPU89eVKCKQ7_aXPDpdC-pXT7H9MJeQddKxFTviBhMznktNlVGYdqCQ/s320/IMG_2709.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246004941557319506" /></a><br />robert the bruce, close up.<br /><br />wow, i know what a slacker i am!! oh well, i'm over it, hehe. so here's a little something i wrote a few months ago and a few random pics. it's short, kinda lame, so enjoy or don't, i like it regardless! :)<br /><br />heaven's flowers shine so brightly and their music plays a soft symphony for all to hear. their fragrance is the sweetest perfume and their colors the most vibrant one has ever seen. i must be dreaming but i could sit among them forever for they play my hearts tune.<br /><br />so there it is, make of it what you will! in other news, i almost broke down crying in church this morning but for a good reason. it was while we were singing, i don't remember what song it was, i just remember singing then listening to the congregation as we all sung. a picture flashed through my mind of us all being before the throne of the Most High God and we were singing to Him with the angels. it was a beautiful image and brought me to tears. but being the selfish person i am, i didn't want to cry in public so i snapped back to "reality" as it were and continued singing. but it reminded me of something i read recently, i really wanted to stay there in that moment. <br /><br />it comes from a book called "Come Away My Beloved" Frances J. Roberts<br /><br />it quotes Ezekiel 1:16 ...a wheel in the middle of a wheel.<br /><br />and goes on to say this "Time is like a little wheel set within the big wheel of Eternity. The little wheel turns swiftly and shall one day cease. The big wheel turns not, but goes straighforward. Time is your responsibility---Eternity is Mine!" <br /><br />then continues "The pressures of time have increased as sin has increased, and all too often My children have been found living more in the little wheel than in the big. This happens whenever the flesh is in ascendancy over the Spirit. Whenever the opposite is true, you have always experienced a fleeting but glorious freedom from the racing little wheel. Is it not true? You have found the Spirit always unhurried, and you have marveled to find how oblivious you had been to the passage of time whenever you have been truly in the Spirit.<br />You can live here as much as you choose. You can enjoy this rest and disengage yourself from the little wheel as often and as long as you desire. You will lose nothing and gain much. Try it as a therapy for your physical body. It will most certainly be a tremendous source of energy and vitality for your spiritual life!"<br /><br />i believe i left the "little wheel" for an all too brief moment this morning at church. granted that's not the first time i've experienced something like that (please don't think i'm bragging, that's not my intention) but it is the first time i've felt comfortable sharing it with more than just my mom or dad. it was a beautiful image, all of us before the throne of God, praising and singing to Him! glorious! i don't always pray in this manner, but one of the chaplain's wives here says that when she prays she tries to picture herself kneeling, praying at the feet of Jesus or before the throne. it's humbling. try it the next time you pray and see for yourself.Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-10811276848116727932008-07-12T07:24:00.002-04:002008-07-12T08:25:46.207-04:00A Good StewardI have been struggling a lot lately with being a good steward of the things my God has given me. I believe as a Christian that I should be aware of what goes on around me in this world and to do things to help take care of this place God has given me to live, like recycling, etc. I don't believe global warming exists because I believe there is nothing new under the sun, so that's not my reasoning behind wanting to take care of the earth. However recycling is not what I've been struggling with either as it's mandatory in Germany to recycle so no problem there! :)<br /><br />I have been trying to get my focus back to being God first above everything and lately that's been a real struggle for me. So I started reading through this book "The Pursuit of Holiness" by Jerry Bridges. It's only a seventeen chapter book but so far it's been a good reminder of what my focus should be and how I should go about keeping it pure and such. Well one of the chapters (chapter 11) I read this week was on Holiness in Body and I have HUGE issues with that in my life because I LOVE food! Not only do I love food but I also love a lot of the WRONG foods, junk foods, chips, chocolate, cookies, cake, ice cream, etc. the list could go on for miles!! I was really convicted when reading that chapter because eating and not eating has been a battle in my life for a long time. Now please don't miss understand me, I am not bulimic (any of you that know me, know that I HATE throwing up, eeewww!) or anorexic. But if I had to pick between the two to say which I was closer to becoming at one point in my life it would be anorexic. Thankfully though my body physically won't allow that as I have low blood sugar and my body gets WAY outa wack when I don't eat. So having shared that, food is a struggle for me. I like to eat all the "bad" stuff as well as all the good stuff. The "bad" stuff is just easier to get to, if you know what I mean, as generally you have to prepare the good stuff and the "bad" stuff comes prepackaged! <br /><br />So over the last few months I've been trying to eat more balanced meals with fruits and veggies, etc. and trying really hard to cut back on my weakness, sweets. I was convicted though because I've not been really good about cutting out my sugar intake, I still kept cookies or ice cream or something sweet in the house for me to have as a late night snack, NOT A GOOD IDEA because I always get hungry at night! God has showed me that I need to be a better steward of what I put into my body because He created me and my body is a temple to Him and I should care for it as such feeding it the right way and working it out to stay healthy. <br /><br />Unfortunately my reasons for wanting to eat right and stay fit where to keep up with the worlds standards on how I should look to "truly" be beautiful and those are definitely the wrong reasons, so I was convicted there also. It's hard for that not to be my focus as that standard is all around me and when I find myself falling into the trap of "I have to look a certain way" I stop and pray for God to change my attitude behind my actions for wanting to be healthy and look nice. Plus I want to be comfortable in my own body, which I'm SO not right now and by comfortable I literally mean comfortable. I hate wearing shorts or skirts (not just in the summer) because my legs rub together and it HURTS, I can't stand it, it's uncomfortable! Also I just want to look nice for James, I don't know if those are wrong reasons but it is the truth. So I continue to pray about it and lift it up to God and listen for His voice on what I should eat for the day and when to work out and am <span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-weight:bold;">trying</span><span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span> not to worry about the rest, leaving it in His capable hands to shape me how He wants me and to be satisfied with that result. "I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, wonderful are Thy works and my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:14) One of my favorite Psalms not just that verse but the whole Psalm!<br /><br />I do wonder sometimes though if women's struggle with food and body stuff comes from Eve being tempted with food and falling into that temptation....something to think about. I don't really know why I'm sharing any of this, I guess it's just been on my mind lately, it also feels good to get it of my chest, ya know? Anyways, I'll stop rambling now! Cheers!Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-73597635262168419802008-07-12T07:02:00.002-04:002008-07-12T07:13:55.350-04:00BlessingsMy dear sister Krissie passed this along to me and I wanted to share it with you all because I have felt the same way this woman has a lot of the time since James left. Granted our situations differ slightly as my husband is a Soldier not a Marine (their deployments are a little less than a year I believe, though they can be longer as it is the military) and we do not have small children in the mix and for that I'm thankful though it does make this journey a bit more lonely. I have and still do struggle with the same things she mentions in her blog post and even though I don't know this woman I was blessed nonetheless by her words which follow. Thank you Krissie for sharing this with me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">I well remember the day I learned my husband--my Marine--would soon be heading to Iraq.<br /><br />For the first three years of our marriage, he'd been in a unit doing a job that kept him from being deployed, so while we knew that as a Marine he'd most likely be heading to that sandy spot at some point, it remained something we thought of as "sometime in the future." I remember the quick catch in my breath the moment I realized that "the future" had caught up with "the now."<br /><br />Shortly after our second son was born, we embarked on this, our first deployment. As I watched the buses pull away early that morning, tears streaming down my cheeks as I helped our then twenty-month-old son find Daddy amidst a sea of waving hands, I caught my breath again. What was ahead? What should I even expect? How on earth would we get through these months and months without him?<br /><br />I spent the first few days feeling a bit numb. I was unsure what to do with myself, even in the near-chaos of having two very little children. I soon found that going to bed early, hoping to sleep away some of the evening time loneliness, only brought hours of tossing and turning. I began sleeping diagonally across our bed to take up empty space. I searched through my recipe box for meals that could be pared down to feed only me and a toddler. Still, fish sticks, macaroni and cheese, and burritos filled our dinner plates far too often those first few weeks. Though typically outgoing, I found I was suddenly unsure of myself in groups of friends. When I headed to church for the first time alone, I had to laugh all the way from the car to the building-I made quite the spectacle trying to juggle an infant seat, two diaper bags, my purse, my Bible, a plate of muffins, all while holding my toddler's hand through the parking lot. A few minutes later I was ferociously blinking back tears as I looked for a single seat in the auditorium--a fresh reminder I was on my own now.<br /><br />It didn't take long to realize I'd harbored a whole slew of misconceptions regarding deployment over the past several years.<br /><br />I'd assumed that while the first month or two was so hard, the loneliness would subside a bit as we all got used to being apart. A friend whose husband was also deployed told me not to expect it to get any better. She was right.<br /><br />It's been a little over six months now since that day my husband headed to the other side of the globe. I miss him more now than I did the day after he left. Yes, I've stopped expecting to hear the door open in the evening and I'm used to cutting recipe ingredients in half, but the loneliness isn't one bit less intense.<br /><br />Thankfully, staying in contact at this point isn't nearly as complicated as it was when the war started. We're able to hear from my husband frequently on the phone and we've even seen him via video feed twice. The boys color him pictures and he sends them "Daddy movies."<br /><br />I think most military wives would agree that the evenings are the hardest. Once the little ones are asleep, and the busyness of the day has come to a close, there are still several hours to fill. Silence--when it's the only choice there is--doesn't always make the best company.<br /><br />That first day my husband learned he'd be heading into the war zone, I felt my heart sink. The emotions I experienced were raw and intense, and I looked ahead, anticipating what I imagined I'd feel when he really did leave. By the time we actually reached his departure, I had a myriad of ideas and expectations for what was ahead.<br /><br />And then it happened. He left. And it was nothing like I'd imagined.<br /><br />In my mind's eye I'd seen ahead to the nights when both children would be awake at the same time and there is only one parent here to get both back to sleep. I'd known both boys would have a hard time without a daddy home. I knew I would too.<br /><br />And yet, when I'd looked ahead, I hadn't seen Jesus there waiting for me. I wasn't experiencing His grace while just imagining what was to come. When our two-year-old cries in the night for his daddy and my heart is breaking, I feel my Lord's arms wrap around both of us, holding us close. When I wake up in the morning, unsure how to face another day and the loneliness is eating away at me, God gives grace like I'd never imagined. When my husband calls and listens over the phone to the boys playing, I know we've been given a blessing simply through technology. When I watch the news--which is purposely not often--and hear of a bombing in Iraq, the way God's peace replaces the initial fear is nothing short of miraculous.<br /><br />He's also shown me His love through the wonderful people around me. People who have told me they were praying for me--and they really do. The friends and family who called and kept us busy while we made the initial transition. People who still take time to ask how we're doing, call, email or send notes of encouragement.<br /><br />The most helpful thing of all has been when friends or family have simply called and informed me that they're going to help. I don't always know exactly what I need, and yet through many different people, God has provided what I'm not even sure of myself. People like the mother and daughter who have set aside one day a month to give me a day "off." Friends who call and say, "Hey, I'm at Starbucks. What would you like?" When we're sick--which has been, strangely, quite often this year--I've been surrounded by friends and family who come to my rescue, with medicine, diapers, food, or coming to stay with us when I've been too sick to get off the couch. I've even had blogging buddies send boxes to my husband's unit. I am unbelievably thankful for these people. God prompted them to do something... and they just did it.<br /><br />Sadly, there are military spouses all over the place without a support system like the one I've been blessed with. Some are the families of reservists, some are stationed at military bases far from home. It makes me realize how many times I just assumed someone had help and didn't offer it myself, or forgot to hug a wife whose husband just left. I've been guilty of being "too busy," or imagining that a phone call wouldn't mean much. Of course nothing can take the place of a deployed spouse, but reminding the family at home that they aren't entirely alone can make all the difference in the world.<br /><br />We're now getting closer and closer to the homecoming of our Marine. It will mean a whole new transition as we get used to having him around again. I've become accustomed to having things be my way around here! Our two-year-old has been missing his daddy more than usual lately and will be thrilled to see him. I just have a feeling he's not going to be as sure about the whole listening to Daddy thing. And the baby? He gets to actually find out just who this daddy-person is we keep telling him about.<br /><br />To say we're excited would be the understatement of the century</span></span>Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-17922155356269091222008-04-16T17:51:00.002-04:002008-04-16T18:25:09.744-04:00K-townMom and I went to Kaiserslautern (K-town) last weekend and got home this past Monday. A short visit but I think mom got to do some of the things she wanted to do, like get a cuckoo clock, while we were there and I believe she had a good time. I showed her around our old stomping grounds, where we used to live, eat, shop and the like so that was fun...and a little sad for me but I always enjoy eating the food in K-town, one of the things I miss the most actually! We also went to the castle that's in Landstuhl, one of the surrounding towns of Kaiserslautern, I forget the name of it now but it's a neat castle and the only one in the area that I knew I could get to by wandering a little bit! I think she liked it, it was her first castle experience! Unfortunately I wasn't able to book a Rheine River Cruise for us while we were there so we may have to try for it next time 'cause I think she would enjoy that also!<br /><br />We also weren't able to go on the underground Bamberg tour 'cause...well 'cause the military rarely gives you all the info you need in order to do something...but I wasn't surprised that we weren't able to do it.<br /><br />Anyways, our next trip will be to Italy, starting this weekend and we'll be there for most of next week. We'll be in Rome for most of it, I think, with a day trip to Pompeii somewhere in there and maybe another day trip to somewhere else since we will be there for a while, I dunno, we'll see!<br /><br />James is still doing mostly okay, I think the environment and people he has to deal with on a daily basis are starting to wear thin on him. He says it very much like the movie "Groundhog Day" there so please pray that things start to go a little better for him, I mean it's already bad enough that he has to be there and that his time WILL NOT be reduced down to 12 months unless God decides to have mercy on us and give us a miracle to bring him home. I know he's feeling the loss of their Chaplain as he (the chaplain) had to come back here to care for his wife, Heather Jackson, who is very much improved. He was a good buddy for James and one of the only Christian men that deployed with him, so I know that's hard on him too. So aside from all that and missing me, he says he's doing okay, but keep the prayers coming and as always they are very much appreciated, thanks.<br /><br />I, on the other hand, have been struggling quite a bit lately. Crying a lot more these days and constantly fighting the feelings of depression that try to and sometimes overtake me. I never expected a separation to be so difficult, I mean I didn't think it would be easy by any means, but this totally sucks! *sigh* Well, all I can do is pray and hope that God allows the time to pass quickly for both of us, maybe He'll grant us that at least, but who knows. So that's the latest on my side, I hope you all are doing well, know that we love and miss you and can't wait for the day when we will be back on real American soil ('cause technically speaking I'm on American soil right now, but it's not the same as where you are) with you!Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-38974470423865393172008-04-09T18:17:00.004-04:002008-04-09T18:42:41.617-04:00A Couple of PicsHere are a couple of pictures that James sent me today. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAN_heMn9e95y90r4kgVRGd48CtFnXbJM4BlszzQbw1lqyAFOnY8YkxY2VZdkPKReEyabp9n7WpdUytNbOB7bHgUzQMPF7L8YD8G3_xwZF1KhY7HBFvOwSMcUm4Ydvm53reD0FoA/s1600-h/391cssb+officers+2+(2).jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAN_heMn9e95y90r4kgVRGd48CtFnXbJM4BlszzQbw1lqyAFOnY8YkxY2VZdkPKReEyabp9n7WpdUytNbOB7bHgUzQMPF7L8YD8G3_xwZF1KhY7HBFvOwSMcUm4Ydvm53reD0FoA/s320/391cssb+officers+2+(2).jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5187373807874474674" /></a><br />This one is of all the officers in his unit. James is on the left side, somewhat behind the white chick and there's a white dude poking his head out next to his shoulder.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV6y8A-BWSk142NNDs455OrqHIE13ZNM8kntMCkx-uv1wVgRpymLednicNFvPwUt_wI5Z3L480t_xmC_TxohspWk_DoQlRF6FZWghH9kcwyo0fL8nPCyxrbb13BRQAnJj9DzLk4A/s1600-h/jardin+at+the+buehring+sign+(2).jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV6y8A-BWSk142NNDs455OrqHIE13ZNM8kntMCkx-uv1wVgRpymLednicNFvPwUt_wI5Z3L480t_xmC_TxohspWk_DoQlRF6FZWghH9kcwyo0fL8nPCyxrbb13BRQAnJj9DzLk4A/s320/jardin+at+the+buehring+sign+(2).jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5187373816464409282" /></a><br />And this one is just of James next to the sign where he was in Kuwait.<br /><br />So not really much to update on today, James is still doing well, they should have internet up and running in their rooms within the next few weeks. He says the work environment (for lack of a better word) is much better there than it is here so at least right now it's not as rough on him as it is here sometimes...with the exception of the whole war zone deal...oh well. He basically does the same thing he did here only he doesn't get to come home to me at the end of the day, which sucks for both of us. :( So he's doin' alright.<br /><br />Well, mom and are might venture a walking tour of downtown Bamberg tomorrow with a possible night tour of underground Bamberg. Apparently there are catacombs somewhere downtown...I never knew that...so that could be fun. Hopefully we'll be able to do both without it raining on us! Aside from that we have a tentative trip to Kaiserslautern (K-town) planned for this weekend. I'll show mom around our old stomping grounds and see if we can maybe catch a tour or two while we are in the area and we'll DEFINITELY be eating some good food while there!! So should be a fun trip if we can make it happen! I'll be sure to post some pictures if we are able to do any of these things so keep checking back for updates! K, that's all for now.Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-10877387363539259732008-04-06T15:29:00.003-04:002008-04-06T16:09:32.153-04:00The Latest and Greatest<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEqzMv9S69Ozm0CUi7uk04GWGuweDG7G8e-4pE-9OP76L_BBN9yqE-wSqsrCENuxaK0FVpYvUa-F-PX6dzRjW9m5Yr7L8VLDvqqleTluN6b8gPrmQ0-f-p34p3m4bbKUWEJX1JzA/s1600-h/ss100367%5B1%5D+(2).jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEqzMv9S69Ozm0CUi7uk04GWGuweDG7G8e-4pE-9OP76L_BBN9yqE-wSqsrCENuxaK0FVpYvUa-F-PX6dzRjW9m5Yr7L8VLDvqqleTluN6b8gPrmQ0-f-p34p3m4bbKUWEJX1JzA/s320/ss100367%5B1%5D+(2).jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5186217152947477154" /></a><br /><br />Captain Geishaker and Captain Jardin - Jim and James. Yeah, the other guy's name is James too...but MY James is SOOOOOOOOO much BETTER!!!!!!!!! This is from a meet and greet dinner they had with a sister unit a few days ago. My man is so handsome, even in a war zone!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS7SJ3UPl1XZww1_1DFgrXXHnDir-35Ep8UZQyU_U6_cCfSRZ0eh8xc0U_Yl6DxbJSotLWCaO3EQt4XNj64H1f9nPJm3SkytsCcLKJ5TOAb92oOjYq-p5Ia-XA-NlM7Yng8A6mXA/s1600-h/Picture4.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS7SJ3UPl1XZww1_1DFgrXXHnDir-35Ep8UZQyU_U6_cCfSRZ0eh8xc0U_Yl6DxbJSotLWCaO3EQt4XNj64H1f9nPJm3SkytsCcLKJ5TOAb92oOjYq-p5Ia-XA-NlM7Yng8A6mXA/s320/Picture4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5186217161537411762" /></a><br /><br />A wild camel in Kuwait...James said there was a lot of them just wandering around...neat!<br /><br />Okay so the latest news from James is that they are slowly but surely taking over all the duties of the unit they were sent to replace. Which basically means all of the "old" unit people are only coming into the offices once or twice a day and James' unit is doing the rest of the work! They are staying pretty busy there which will hopefully make the time pass quickly for them so I guess that's good. I wish it would pass quickly here but it's slugging along. :P Oh well. Also James apparently cut his pinkie finger (I think on his right hand...?), with a knife he was given as a gift from one of my friends. It's not serious, his finger will heal, but James told me he could tell it was a deep cut so, pray that it heals quickly so it doesn't bother him! Of course when he told me about it I "demanded" that he go tell his boss what happened and tell him (his boss) I want James home IMMEDIATELY so that I could tend to his wounds and since they would take SO long to heal that he wouldn't be able to return to Iraq.....ever. Well, it least it made James laugh. :) <br /><br />Anyways, I think that's it for now. My mom gets here Tuesday and I'm STOKED!!!! Not looking forward to the drive to and from the airport but it's definitely worth it to be able to have her here with me! I think we are gonna run ourselves into the ground with all the stuff we're gonna do but, YAY!!!! Check back for all our crazy adventures!Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-21829773595968194482008-03-29T12:29:00.001-04:002008-03-30T02:53:46.177-04:00UpdateJames has made it safely to Iraq, yay! Well, I mean, not yay that he's there but yay that he made it safely! Okay, so there's not a whole lot to update on but he's at his final destination unless the army decides to be retarded and move him, which is actually possible 'cause they are retarded a lot of the time. His latest report is that there are actually some green plants around where he's at! He says there is a big palm tree right outside his hooch (his own little space/room/thing) so that will be "nice" for him, at least it's not all brown. He also told me that he's already started to collect goodies for the both of us which is neat, so far all I know that he's got is some British Army souvenirs! Fun times, well not really but gotta make the most of it I suppose. BTW, James says hello to all!<br /><br />Anyways, I'm sorry if I worried any of you with my last post, I tend to be a bit dramatic but it helps me to cope so don't be surprised if you see more posts like it! :) Just one way I deal with things, I'm really okay. I'm not gonna do anything crazy or stupid, I mean, I <em>want</em> to be around to see James again so no worries, please! All of what was in that post is still true, I really don't know how to deal with this situation but I'm managing and staying busy. And I also still don't understand why God is allowing this separation but again I'm managing and staying busy. Like everyone else I have good days and bad days, I had them when James was here and I'll continue to have them the rest of my life. Sometimes when they come around I pray, cry and then get over it, other days I pray, cry, write (sometimes stuff like that post) and then get over it, just how I deal with things. So please don't worry, I will be fine, God is gracious and good to me and I know He'll bring James and me through this time. Until then I will keep livin' life as best as I can and pray that the time goes by quickly! :) Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts, they are always appreciated. Love you all!Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-67924410108109961752008-03-19T18:26:00.001-04:002008-03-20T07:51:51.074-04:00Last Moments<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8DFFPIDJ7MHYokUN1muDtX0rOyaZ09O_iH0YhwVegEMoM-SQJ4_UDGl3z7-kWxqTrpJu5kzyb8Hx0rYYVp4BCbEkX9DH2l7l4KFRXFSwAFynvq5nL81J1dAZHYw23US0SrBrkzA/s1600-h/James&Leah+last+moments3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8DFFPIDJ7MHYokUN1muDtX0rOyaZ09O_iH0YhwVegEMoM-SQJ4_UDGl3z7-kWxqTrpJu5kzyb8Hx0rYYVp4BCbEkX9DH2l7l4KFRXFSwAFynvq5nL81J1dAZHYw23US0SrBrkzA/s320/James&Leah+last+moments3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179789790223587986" /></a><br />Our last moments together...captured by some random dude from the public affairs office here on post.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPTF6zihNuh4Fn48Ccp69jq2bPDFOTRPhdwDTp5EB2UjUB5hfDF7JrOAtFumJdLpZW7YxFi5Dc8gJg1PNbpNM77JRjK2fmE8F2AbPG1eicQxKKFf-Xa6j_ixYm_PG7k6K1zxFIcA/s1600-h/James&Leah+last+moments2+(2).jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPTF6zihNuh4Fn48Ccp69jq2bPDFOTRPhdwDTp5EB2UjUB5hfDF7JrOAtFumJdLpZW7YxFi5Dc8gJg1PNbpNM77JRjK2fmE8F2AbPG1eicQxKKFf-Xa6j_ixYm_PG7k6K1zxFIcA/s320/James&Leah+last+moments2+(2).jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179789785928620674" /></a><br />I really like James in this one. How did I ever find a man that would love me as much as he does? Only by the grace of God.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0lOcei_RvLcfkhUbPZMxUt0Ep6D3Em_JZO3Opdn5j1Fz-O4Yn-btfD_MoLYqTUHdc2R62wbKrq5ZFsMDklPWUgAV2iBDap2Ri00BA8ptjxmWAAtO1n30knV_TWo1gfPXjrTwBRg/s1600-h/James&Leah+last+moments.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0lOcei_RvLcfkhUbPZMxUt0Ep6D3Em_JZO3Opdn5j1Fz-O4Yn-btfD_MoLYqTUHdc2R62wbKrq5ZFsMDklPWUgAV2iBDap2Ri00BA8ptjxmWAAtO1n30knV_TWo1gfPXjrTwBRg/s320/James&Leah+last+moments.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179575239427283570" /></a><br />I was trying so hard not to cry here and this guy comes along and snaps our picture then asks if it's okay if he takes our picture! I was miffed at him at the time but now I'm glad he took these of us. I miss James so much and I can't stand being here alone. <br /><br />I've got everybody fooled. You all think I'm fine and doing well and I suppose it could be true but inside I feel like I'm being torn apart. I never thought it would hurt as bad as it does having him leave and he didn't even have a choice. I hate going to bed at night because I know he's not going to be there when I lie down. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm in a constant state of prayer, I guess that's good but I don't get much comfort from it. I know as the creature I'm not supposed to ask my Creator why, but I really don't understand what the point of this separation is and why it has to be for so long. And when I tell Him I don't understand the only answer I get is, "You're not meant to." What the HELL!<br /><br />Okay, now that I've stopped crying and ranting. James called yesterday and we talked for a good half hour which was wonderful. He says that he and two other guys (Zach and Steve) will get together sometimes and talk about "the wives". Good stuff of course, like what we cook, stuff we say that's funny, or stuff we do, things like that. He says it's kind of a way they are coping with things. All in all and given the situation, James is doing well. He's giving himself a $100 a month allowance to spend on whatever he may need or want and is putting it on a refillable debit card that can only be used on the post (base). Anyways, that's the latest on my brave man. Thanks for all your prayers and keep 'em coming!Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18102086.post-61071279363376929172008-03-16T17:09:00.002-04:002008-03-16T18:20:29.030-04:00DeploymentWell, it's been just about a week since James left on his/our first deployment and hopefully our last. He left at about 6am last Monday morning and arrived safely at his first destination late Tuesday afternoon after their original Monday flight got delayed. So to continue the drama, one of our good friends and the wife of the Chaplain that deployed with James' unit late Tuesday evening was taken to the local German hospital and ended up in a diabetic coma with a bronchial lung infection that ended up infecting the rest of her body and organs so much so that some of them starting failing and at one point she had to be revived. I heard about all that Wednesday morning. Anyways, her name is Heather and she has two kids, Daniel (12) and Belle (3) who still don't know all the grim details of what was going on with their mom. Her husband, Scott, was flown home and got back here sometime late Wednesday evening, I believe and her parents are now here as well. She had progressively been getting better all week and I just learned this morning that she is no longer in a coma and all her vitals are normal but she is still fighting a lung infection so the are keeping her sedated and have moved her to another hospital that has doctors who specialize in the lung area. So praise God that she is doing better! <br /><br />Needless to say this last week has been pretty rough. I cried when throwing out some left over "special" food that I had made for James during the last couple weeks he was here, I never thought throwing away a little bit of food would make me cry. And cried a little when doing laundry this past Friday 'cause it was the last little bit of his clothes that he wore while he was here. Yea, I know, pathetic right, well all I gotta say is YOU try dealing with a 15 month separation for the first time and knowing that your husband will be going to a war zone! :P <br /><br />I do have some things to look forward to, like my mom coming in April, YAY!!! She's gonna be keepin' me busy busy for the two months that she's here. (BTW mom, I dunno if we'll be able to do all your trips on this visit but we can certainly knock out a few of them!) Then when she leaves I'll either start taking a couple of college classes or go home, haven't decided yet so we'll see. Regardless I have an idea of when I'll be seeing James again, roughly around Christmas time. I just hope and pray they change the deployments back to 12 months. I know 3 months may not seem like it would make a whole lot of difference but it really does when you are experiencing it. Anyways, I've also got a few knitting projects that I'll be working on over the next few months so that will keep me busy as well.<br /><br />So far I've found a great circle of women, some from church and some from my FRG (family readiness group) that I'm comfortable enough to hang out with so they should be keeping me pretty busy too. For a lot of them this is also their first deployment so we can all get together and cry if we need to! Though I much prefer to cry alone but that's just me.<br /><br />I've already talked to James twice since he's left and it's so wonderful just to hear his voice. He is doing well, he says it's like being on a long field exercise in the desert. And he has a Starbucks closer to him than I have to me and he's in the FRIGGIN' DESERT!!!!!!!!!!! Unbelievable. He's gonna send me a picture of it and I'll post it up here once he does. I'm so jealous. Oh well, such is life I suppose. Anyways, I know a lot of you are praying for us and we are both so thankful that we have you as our prayer warriors 'cause I know we'll need them. I'll keep you as posted as I can to what's goin' on with him and all that so check back every so often for updates! I love you and thanks so much for your prayers!Leahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04844592064110128787noreply@blogger.com0