I've decided that we have a spider infestation in our house...and they're not little spiders (well okay, some of them are but still) they're BIG ones. I'm talkin' at least the size of a quarter if not bigger! AAHHH!! I wasn't too upset with the idea of having spiders living in my house so long as they stayed in the basement, where I don't go very often. I've already killed about 5 or so down there and James killed a big one down there a few weeks ago and I haven't seen one since...until last night...
It was a little after midnight, I was in the living room and the lights were dim. I had just finished watching an old episode of Seventh Heaven, a show my mom and I used to watch together all them time, and Saturday Night Live was coming on next. So I got comfy on the couch and curled up under a nice warm blanket and got ready to be entertained. A few minutes into the show I thought I saw something scurry across the floor towards the TV, my first thought was, "AHHH a ROACH!!" but then I remembered that I was in Germany, a land free of roaches (or so I hear). My next thought was, "Well, maybe I didn't see anything, but just in case I'm gonna turn on another light..." So, I got up slowly so as not to scare whatever it was (if anything) that I saw and proceeded to turn on the over head light. Sure enough in all it's glory sitting right by the TV stand was a monstrous spider! I thought it might help the situation to freak out a little, so I did, but once I composed myself I went down into the basement to get the RAID, I had been keeping it down there 'cause that's where all the spiders had been up till this point. I came back upstairs, raid in hand and walked over the to the big guy, said my goodbyes and sprayed him...but he was quick and I didn't get him quite enough for my comfort before he ran underneath my piano. So I waited and eventually he came out and started climbing the wall next to the piano and I drowned him in raid, he didn't last but a few seconds after that, so yes ladies and gentlemen, I am a murderer, but only of spiders and other creepy, crawly things! Because I had used so much raid I had to leave the room and go upstairs to my bedroom so as not to gas myself, that stuff is lethal! So that was my adventure for the evening!
I all have to say is I can't wait for James to come home so he can be my hero and kill the big nasties for me!
6 comments:
Mebe you should think about getting 2 more cans of Raid...one for each level of the house! That way you don't have to miss any prime opportunities to kill things!! I love you!
Yea, I thought about that when I had to do down to the basement to get it, I was praying that the big guy wouldn't leave before I came back up!
Having yourself armed with plenty of Raid is certainly a good thing but I'm afraid to say you are still missing one element in your battle against the beasts.
I think you would agree that it's certainly better if YOU see THEM before THEY see YOU! That way you can ambush them with a preemptive strike and will have a much better chance of taking them out early. i.e., before they can make it to a hiding place where it's difficult to deliver a "Fatality Move"
Joyce and I just happen to have, without ANY doubt, THE MOST effective, preemptive critter alert system EVER! It’s so effective that it can literally spot a flea stealthily creeping on the carpet from all the way across our living room. Its only limitation is an area not directly exposed to its visual sensors. Once an intruder has been detected two things happen – (1) It sounds an audible alert that can be heard from anywhere in the house. (2) The precise location of the intruder’s whereabouts and direction of travel is made known as the visual sensors lock-on. I must admit that sometimes it is difficult to interpret the visual notification and locate the critter especially when the intruder is a small as a flea. Bigger critters are much easier to locate. Leah, even the smallest of your spiders would be a piece of cake for our system allowing you to snuggle on the couch in total confidence. Once the beast’s cover has been blown by our system termination is immanent!
The true beauty of our system is the fact that it requires no electricity, no natural gas and no batteries! By now I suspect there are many reading this that are so interested they might actually be considering getting one, but unfortunately there is a downside. As far as I know there is only one of these systems in the world, Joyce and I own it and due to it's complexity I' not sure it can be easily replicated as God Himself had a significant hand in it’s design and functionality.
Oh, there is one other downside, to our system. Although it requires no electricity, no natural gas and no batteries, it does require food, water, lots of attention, an occasional bath in the sink and regular cage cleaning. It's a small price to pay, in my opinion, for such a valuable service.
Say hey to Oliver, our Greater Patagonian Conure and the ULTIMATE CRITTERMINATOR!
luv ya
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Oh sheesh...hehehehe hahahahah, oh man, I love you guys and Gary, I knew you had some smartass trick up your sleeve. Weemama, its a good thing that you have Oliver there to Protect you. Of course Aiden would work at this point too....except he eats everything he sees on the floor....Ive actually pulled hair out of his BUTT. You know how taylor and I shed....it was inevitable.
LOL, oh my gosh, you guys slay me!! Daddy, I knew you were talking about Oliver the minute you went down that Critter Alert road thing...yea. In any case, I'd rather have a cat or dog that would just eat them and then I wouldn't have to worry about them (the critters) eating ME or the ear piercing "Alert" as you call it! ;-) And Amber, well all I have to say is, eww, though it is pretty funny!
Yeah, but there's only a handful of folks that will figure it out before they get to the end of my post.
Right after I posted it I realized I should have used early warning system instead of critter alert system. Even though the critters I was referring to were the spiders and such.
Glad you enjoyed it. ;^)
i miss u!
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