Winston Earley Springfield

I am sorry to those of you who don't want to be reminded of him but part of how I deal with things is by writing, so forgive me. I struggle a lot with thoughts of Winston this time of year, well year round really, but even more so around this time because he died June 23, 2004 and I haven't quite found peace about it. Maybe one day I will but for now this is how I'm dealing with it. Mama, thanks for the encouragement the other day.

From Winston:

Have no doubts about me. I am where God has willed me to be. I know you think I should have lived longer, but I didn't, I couldn't... My salvation however is not in my own hands, it never was, praise be to God, or I would surely be damned. "For it is by grace you are saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves. It is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." and, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
To close I want to tell you all that I love you and I know God will continue to lead you by His Spirit. I go now to see my father and his father before him and my true Father...God. When we next meet I don't know if we'll recognize each other, but all that matters is that we'll be with Him who made us all.

Goodbye for now,
Winston Earley Springfield

The tears I've shed for you are kept in a bottle in God's storage room. I pray God show them to you one day so you can know how much you were loved and how greatly you are missed. There is so much pain in your memory no matter how sweet the time spent. How could you?
So many things remind me of you, songs, movies, a passage in Scripture, a familiar face or someone who just looks an awful lot like you. Sometimes I'll wake in the night with thoughts of you or in the morning when I rise for whatever reason God will lay you on my heart, and I cry. How could you?
I can't wipe away the memory of all the sad faces at your funeral. So many showed up, I wish you could have seen just how many. Your casket was open during the service, I couldn't make myself look, but then someone moved, I saw the profile of your body, your face and I wept. How could you?
My brother was there sitting at the end of the pew. He was fine at first, as fine as you can be at a funeral of a good friend. But after the service I found him outside the sanctuary standing alone, his face was red and his eyes were puffy, it was evident he had been crying. Then he spotted me, his arms out stretched waving me in and I heard him say in a broken voice as we embraced, "You know I love you, right? I love you." This was the first time I'd ever seen him really cry. How could you?
I can't imagine what your mother must have felt, still feels as well as the rest of your family. I don't want to imagine, I think it would hurt too much, much more than it already does. I'm so sad at the talent the world is missing out on because of your death. Even sadder that God can no longer use that talent, it's just a memory. I pray God will teach us something from this tragedy, I pray also that the pain will one day subside. How could you?
Your wish was that we forget you, forget you ever existed. I'm sorry but I cannot do as you ask, I could never forget. I could never forget our conversations, all the fun times we'd shared, watching movies (Fiddler On The Roof!), playing games, listening and watching in amazement to the music you would make up on the spot, your singing, your friendship, I will never forget.
To those you've left behind, I pray for you every year at this time. A time when a son, a brother, a cousin, a nephew and a close friend took his life and went to be with our great Father in heaven.
"Now I live and breathe for an audience of One."
Don't forget him.