I have been struggling a lot lately with being a good steward of the things my God has given me. I believe as a Christian that I should be aware of what goes on around me in this world and to do things to help take care of this place God has given me to live, like recycling, etc. I don't believe global warming exists because I believe there is nothing new under the sun, so that's not my reasoning behind wanting to take care of the earth. However recycling is not what I've been struggling with either as it's mandatory in Germany to recycle so no problem there! :)
I have been trying to get my focus back to being God first above everything and lately that's been a real struggle for me. So I started reading through this book "The Pursuit of Holiness" by Jerry Bridges. It's only a seventeen chapter book but so far it's been a good reminder of what my focus should be and how I should go about keeping it pure and such. Well one of the chapters (chapter 11) I read this week was on Holiness in Body and I have HUGE issues with that in my life because I LOVE food! Not only do I love food but I also love a lot of the WRONG foods, junk foods, chips, chocolate, cookies, cake, ice cream, etc. the list could go on for miles!! I was really convicted when reading that chapter because eating and not eating has been a battle in my life for a long time. Now please don't miss understand me, I am not bulimic (any of you that know me, know that I HATE throwing up, eeewww!) or anorexic. But if I had to pick between the two to say which I was closer to becoming at one point in my life it would be anorexic. Thankfully though my body physically won't allow that as I have low blood sugar and my body gets WAY outa wack when I don't eat. So having shared that, food is a struggle for me. I like to eat all the "bad" stuff as well as all the good stuff. The "bad" stuff is just easier to get to, if you know what I mean, as generally you have to prepare the good stuff and the "bad" stuff comes prepackaged!
So over the last few months I've been trying to eat more balanced meals with fruits and veggies, etc. and trying really hard to cut back on my weakness, sweets. I was convicted though because I've not been really good about cutting out my sugar intake, I still kept cookies or ice cream or something sweet in the house for me to have as a late night snack, NOT A GOOD IDEA because I always get hungry at night! God has showed me that I need to be a better steward of what I put into my body because He created me and my body is a temple to Him and I should care for it as such feeding it the right way and working it out to stay healthy.
Unfortunately my reasons for wanting to eat right and stay fit where to keep up with the worlds standards on how I should look to "truly" be beautiful and those are definitely the wrong reasons, so I was convicted there also. It's hard for that not to be my focus as that standard is all around me and when I find myself falling into the trap of "I have to look a certain way" I stop and pray for God to change my attitude behind my actions for wanting to be healthy and look nice. Plus I want to be comfortable in my own body, which I'm SO not right now and by comfortable I literally mean comfortable. I hate wearing shorts or skirts (not just in the summer) because my legs rub together and it HURTS, I can't stand it, it's uncomfortable! Also I just want to look nice for James, I don't know if those are wrong reasons but it is the truth. So I continue to pray about it and lift it up to God and listen for His voice on what I should eat for the day and when to work out and am trying not to worry about the rest, leaving it in His capable hands to shape me how He wants me and to be satisfied with that result. "I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, wonderful are Thy works and my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:14) One of my favorite Psalms not just that verse but the whole Psalm!
I do wonder sometimes though if women's struggle with food and body stuff comes from Eve being tempted with food and falling into that temptation....something to think about. I don't really know why I'm sharing any of this, I guess it's just been on my mind lately, it also feels good to get it of my chest, ya know? Anyways, I'll stop rambling now! Cheers!
3 comments:
Leah my dear. You've put a lot out there for us. And I will continue to pray for God's guidance and strength in your life. I could write a dissertation on the vast damage society has done to women and how we view our bodies and how fractured society's standard of "beauty" is, but ALWAYS ALWAYS remember, God looks at the heart. Period. He doesn't give a care as to what your flesh looks like. I am glad that you found such an encouraging book, and while it is never easy when we are convicted of our behavior, it is such a gift from God because he is allowing us the chance to change for the better, to be more in line with his will. What a gift that is. AND, he will be with you every step as you make positive changes. Food is an easy temptation for most of us. I certainly struggle with eating garbage from time to time. I think once we get a grip on the true concept of moderation, the struggle becomes less. You can still enjoy the good things without over indulgence and without guilt. Anyhow, there is more to say on this, but my 4 year old is in a rage so I must go. I will email you... I have much more to say.... (what else is new?!) haha. Love you- and praying for you!!!!
Krissie, you are such a blessing to me!! Your words are always so encouraging, thank you for them. :) Yea I definitely have problems with the whole moderation thing, it's like once I get a taste of something I can't just stop with the taste, I have to have more! But I know God is working on me not just in this but on SO many other things and as hard as it is to change my sinful nature I am so willing to let God do His good work in me. I want to become the woman He has created me to be, no matter the cost. Thanks again for all your encouragement and prayers, Kris, not just in this but in everything! I love you!
OK...I'm glad Jerry could do what I couldn't!!
YOU GO GIRL!!
Mama is behind ya!
Love a ton...
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