way crazy dream...

so i've been going through some old journals and making digital copies of them to have and they date as far back as 1998 when i was 16 and go through present day.  well i came across something this evening that i wrote in August of 2002.  it was a dream i had apparently that made enough impact for me to write it down.  you'll see why...it's totally cray cray!

August 2002 –(a dream I had) I was with a bunch of people from my church ECPC (East Cobb Presbyterian Church) and we were in this forest somewhere in Africa, I think.  There were some natives around too but we all knew each other.  We were walking around in the forest and all around people had little bonfires going for no particular reason.  Then one of the natives cries out “Sacrifice!” at the top of his lungs.  Somehow I knew I was to be the one sacrificed, so I walked towards the cliff where it was to be held.  I came out of the forest into a wide open area.  The ground before me was black, charred like someone had burned it.  It crunched beneath my feet as I walked towards the edge of the cliff.  The sky was grey like it was going to storm.  As I got closer to the cliffs edge I saw three crosses lying on the ground, they were charred like the grass around them.  I laid down on the one in the middle, not on my back but on my stomach and stretched my arms out to the length of the cross and gripped the edges.  It was then that I felt someone tying a rope around my ankles and the cross, my wrists were soon bound as well.  As this was happening, I noticed that there were two men on the crosses on either side of me that were being bound in the same manner.  At this time the wind picked up and was blowing violently as if in a storm.  The men that had bound us now pushed us over the edge of the cliff and slowly backed away yet we did not fall, the wind held us in place.  As we were suspended in the air another man walked towards us.  The clouds in the sky above us where now turning a deep shade of red but we showed no fear.  The man then cries out “Sacrifice!” over and over and over, screaming with all his might.  The wind grew more violent and the debris tore away at our skin yet we remained stationary.  The sky above us began to open up and bolts of lightning shot out all around us.  It was then that I realized there was someone else on my cross, clinging to me on my back.  His hands were out stretched holding mine, sheltering me.  The lightning then began to strike at us but I could feel none of it.  All the while the man on the cliff was still crying “Sacrifice!” Then just as quickly as it had started, the lightning stopped, there was no more debris and the red sky had faded to grey again.  The next thing I remember is lying on the ground feeling the ropes around my wrists and ankles being loosened and taken away and the man who had sheltered me being laid beside me.  His skin was black and burnt, I wept for Him, He had been my only love, My Savior.  And then I woke up.

Afraid

so i've never attempted this before but it's something called Five Minute Friday that my sis in law does over here (she's an incredible person and writer, just FYI).  there are a group of women that are a part of it and encourage one another through their writing and comments on each others writings.  the idea is that Lisa-Jo, the main woman, pics a topic or word and you are then to set your timer for 5 minutes and just write.  write what ever comes to your heart within that 5 minutes, no editing, no worries, just free writing and then you link it to her post and let the encouragement flow!  i however will not be participating in that aspect of it as i would then need to link this post and i don't post on my blog often enough to do that...at least right now.  maybe i will in the future but for now not gonna happen.  but i wanted to try it and this is what came out.  the word for this friday was Afraid.


i've never been one to be afraid of the dark not even as a little kid (at least as i recall, maybe i was) but i am afraid of the darkness within my heart.  there are days, like today, where i just wake up feeling dark.  which leads me to be mean or unloving/uncaring to those that i DO love like my awesome twin boys and my awesome husband.  there is no reason for my behavior and the only explanation is that i am a sinner through and through and i need Jesus every minute of every day.  He is the light to my darkness so that i need not be afraid, with His light no darkness can stand not even in the darkest places of my heart. 

Randomness Beginnings

okay as promised, here's is what i've got so far on how Cora and Gavin meet.  keep in mind i've not yet gotten them to the part that I posted before but i'm working my way there.  it's hard for me to piece scenes together but i think it's getting there.  anyways, here ya go, enjoy! :-P


            I ran to my younger sister’s side when the soldiers burst through the doors of the convents sanctuary.

“Kat,” I whispered while the other sisters scrambled around us, “you mustn’t let them find out we are related.”  I put my hands firmly on her shoulders, “Promise me.”  I gave her a quick shake to get her attention off the chaos around us and look me in the eyes. “Promise me Kat, whatever happens, promise me you’ll keep silent.”

“Cora.”  I gave her a sharp look.  “I promise.”

“You’ll be safe here; the sisters will take care of you.” I tried reassuring her.

“And if father comes?” She asked.

“He wants you safe that’s all you need to worry about.”  I whispered.

Then one of the men that broke into the sanctuary started yelling orders at us, “Everyone in a line, now!” 

Most of the sisters were frightened by the intrusion, I tried to play the part as well but I wasn’t afraid.  I grabbed Kat’s hand and rushed to where the line was being formed, grabbing another sisters hand upon reaching it to hopefully show impartiality.  The man yelling orders came closer to examine us.  He was taller than me by a few inches, muscular with sandy blonde hair cropped short.  I would have thought him handsome under different circumstances. 

“You, “he pointed at Kat, “come here.” 

He motioned for her to stand next to him while looking the rest of us over.  She looked at me out of the corner of her eye.  I squeezed her hand and gave the slightest nod of my head to let her know it was okay.  She took a deep breath, let go of my hand and walked over to him.  He gazed at her as she walked to him then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as if satisfied with his selection.  My blood burned and I wanted to take his life but just as the thought entered my mind he looked right at me, as if waiting to see my reaction to his choice.  Had he seen us together?  I intentionally kept his gaze to assess the sort of man he was and if he would have noticed us before.  His lips curved into a slight smile and gave me my answer.

He broke eye contact first which gave me a chance to search him and observe my surroundings, my options for protecting my sister.  The convent sisters were now huddled in a group just behind me and the man was in the process of tying Kat’s hands together. 

“So, that’s the sort of man you are, is it?” I said with spite in my voice hoping it would strike a nerve.  It worked.  He stopped tying her hands and turned towards me.

“And what kind of man would that be?” He asked with a hint of annoyance. 

“I just thought, given your appearance,” I looked him up and down and smiled seductively at him, “that you’d rather have a woman accompany you, not a child.”  He looked me over once and gave me a cruel smile before speaking.

“You’re right, I would rather have a woman,” he paused, taking a step closer to me, “but I can sell her as a slave and aside from the obvious, what do you have to offer me that’s more valuable than gold?”

“I am a skilled fighter and beside that, you wouldn’t get much gold selling her.  Just look at her, she’s scrawny, malnourished, no muscle, you’d be lucky to negotiate seventy-five pieces of gold for a boy like that let alone a girl at any slave trade.”  I could feel the heat from Kat’s eyes glaring at me.  I met her eyes, you know I mean nothing by it, sister, just trying to keep you safe.

“You have a quick tongue, I’ll give you that. “ He scoffed then asked intrigued.  “How are you with a sword?”  I laughed to myself, it worked!

“Better than you might think.  Let the girl go and I’ll show you how proficient I am personally.” I smiled playfully.  He untied Kat and seeing I had no sword gave me one from the soldier that he’d ordered over to initially take Kat away then gave that same soldier his sword.  He was a large man but nothing I couldn’t handle.  Kat, you need to leave here now.  Take refuge within the convent and whatever happens, stay inside.  I saw her nod out of the corner of my and then she was gone, I breathed a sigh of relief then prepared myself for tackling this mountain of a man.

“Then prove yourself.”  He laughed and gestured one hand toward the same soldier he’d given his sword. 

He slowly stepped out in front of me, sword in hand using it like a cane, smirking, as if I were easy prey.  With one hand I lifted my sword vertically in front of me, in a sort of salute, then swung it down, turning it quickly in my hand while getting into a fighting stance.  I waited for him to make the first move, which he eventually did by taking a swipe at my legs.  It was easy enough to dodge but I could tell he was holding back.  So I lifted my sword over my head, gripped with both hands and lunged at him bringing the sword down as I lunged.  He was able to block it but it caught him off guard just enough which allowed me to bring him to his knees.  While he was on his knees I kicked him in the chest and knocked him to the ground and quickly put my swords point to his neck, drawing a small amount of blood before moving it away.  It was over faster than either he or his commander had thought it would be.

“Impressive,” I eyed him proudly he scoffed then yelled to his soldier who was still on the ground, giving him a kick as he stood, “Get up, fool!”  Directing his attention back to me, “I presume you have skills other than swinging a sword around?” It was more of a statement than a question as he tossed a bow to me while saying it.

“Where’s my target?” Was all I said before I saw the soldier I’d bested with the sword dragging a man covered in filth toward a nearby tree.  “There is your target! “  He let out a vile laugh, keeping intense eye contact with me to see if I’d waiver, “Unless of course you don’t believe in killing innocent people.”

As he was saying this, a young woman, about my age came running, toward the filthy man appearing to be searching for someone.  She looked quite horrified to see me with a bow strung with an arrow aiming at the man, until I realized it wasn’t me she was looking at, it was the commander.  I assumed she was in some way connected to the commander, be it sister, wife, lover or what have you, so I made a quick decision to aim my arrow at her and then gave him my answer.

Before losing my arrow, with a wild look in my eyes, “That’s just it,” I paused and looked at the woman, giving him a chance to see my mind then looked back to him adding a fierce smile to my look, “I don’t believe anyone is innocent.” 

As I let the arrow fly from my hand I could see the horror in his face as he shouted, “NOOO!!” and kicked the end of the bow in hopes of making me miss my shot.  I wasn’t actually going to let the arrow kill the woman but I wanted it to be close.  I used my telepathy skills to guide the arrow just past her head, deeply grazing her check before it struck the tree behind her, she let out a shriek and fainted.  The commander turned towards me as if to strike me but thought better of it and ran to the woman’s aid.  He picked her up and carried her to a waiting caravan and put her in the back of one of the carriages before growling orders at his men to tie me up and put me on the back of his horse.

Once they were done looting provisions from the convent, I was loosely tied up, sitting behind the commander on his horse at the back of his regiment.  I looked back at the convent one last time and saw Kat peeking out the front gate.  It had been our home for the last three months and it was a little sad to leave it behind, especially since I didn’t know when I’d see my sister again.  She raised her arm up to wave, I smiled solemnly and turned away so she wouldn’t see the tears that fell.

It was dusk before we reached their well established encampment.  There were a lot of tents set up, what looked to be a whole army’s worth, with three larger tents in the center of the rest.  I assumed the one we were heading towards was this commander’s tent and one of the other two was probably the meeting tent, but what was the third large tent for?  Perhaps it was for the woman I’d grazed with the arrow.  When we arrived at the commander’s tent, he hastily got off the horse, brusquely helped me down and shuffled me inside as if to hide me away.  He sat me in a chair and surprisingly untied me, grabbed a couple of glasses and set them on the table next to me, then looked around for something to fill them with and upon finding an empty bottle, glared at me and grabbed both my shoulders hard.

“Do not leave this tent.”  I said nothing in reply so he turned and left quickly.  After he’d been gone a few minutes I peeked outside the tent to see if there was an easy way to escape.  As I was looking around I saw the woman I’d grazed with an arrow walk into the tent that was just a few yards away from the one I was in followed by a rather burly man.  He looked my way before entering the tent behind her and stared for a moment.  He looked angry like he knew her wound was my fault, so I ducked back inside the commander’s tent to avoid a confrontation with him.  I sat back down in the chair I had previously been in and no sooner than I’d sat down, the commander rushed in with a small bottle of rum.

I downed the first glass he poured a little more quickly than he expected still a little shaken from the other mans look.  He smiled greedily at me and poured me another glass after first finishing his.  I could only guess what his plans for me were once the bottle was empty.  I just had to be sure he drank the lions share without noticing I’d slowed down or stopped all together.  He never spoke while he was drinking, he just stared at me every so often as he slowly paced the tent stumbling as he went, removing his boots and jacket then running his hand through his disheveled hair and letting out a long sigh before slumping into the chair across from me.  He drank another glass; eyeing me the whole time then awkwardly slammed it on the table next to us.  I stood slowly from my chair and thought it best not to make eye contact with him yet but poured the last bit of rum in his glass.  I put it in his hand and helped him out of his chair and walked him over to the bed, he took a few sips from the glass and sat hard on the bed facing me.  He swayed even though he was sitting, I knew then he’d had enough to drink where he wouldn’t remember what we did or didn’t do tonight.

I unbuttoned and removed his shirt then pulled off the outer part of my dress leaving the slip underneath on.  His eyes blinked heavily as he watched me and he smiled with delight as I sauntered over to him and laid him back on the bed.  He was an attractive man in face and body and losing myself in the moment, having had too much to drink, I leaned down and kissed him lightly.  His hands twisted through my hair and pulled me closer he was gentle which caught me off guard.  It wasn’t as unpleasant as I thought it would be with him either so I lingered there and a moment longer and as I did so, he passed out.

I sighed then rolled off of him onto the bed next to him and laid there for a while before moving.  There was a rug made out of a bear skin on the ground next to his bed that I was going to make my bed tonight so I grabbed one of the pillows off the bed, found another blanket and curled up on the ground, my back facing the opening of the tent.  Sometime after I’d lain down on the ground I heard the tent flap open quietly with a man’s voice following it.

“Robert!” he hissed sharply, then again a little louder, “Robert! Get up you lazy…” He trailed off and I guessed it was because he saw me laying there.  I didn’t move, pretending to be asleep, when I heard the tent flap close gently.  I soon fell asleep and I slept surprisingly well for being on the ground.

I woke up when I heard the man I now knew as Robert stirring.  Moving as quickly and quietly as I could, I crawled in bed next to him bringing the pillow and blanket with me.  Feeling my movement he draped his arm over my stomach with a grunt.  Seconds later the tent flap flung open and in walked the burly man I’d seen with the woman last night.

“Robert!” The burly man said loudly.  I recognized his voice; it was calmer this morning that it had been last night.

Robert woke startled when he’d heard his name; fumbling for the sword he usually kept by his bedside.  He gave up the quest when he saw who the voice belonged to and rolling his eyes at the man sat up before speaking.

“What do you want, Gavin?  Can’t you see I’m busy?” He said, gesturing towards me.  I sat up pulling the blanket up to my chest and looked at the end of the bed avoiding the eyes I knew were watching me now.

“Yes, I can see the two of you were in the middle of a wild game of sleeping.” He said with a smirk, I smiled to myself. “Now, if you are done with your whore, get up, we need to talk.”  I grimaced at the use of the word whore towards me, it sounded as if he’d spit it out.  The tent opened suddenly again and in rushed the woman I’d struck with an arrow.

“Gavin, husband, it’s not his…” She stopped speaking when she saw me sitting, half dressed, next to Robert on the bed.  Her face went white, “Oh, I’m sorry.” She squeaked out.  When she turned to leave I thought I saw tears in her eyes.

Robert chuckled to himself before getting out of bed.  He grabbed a shirt and pushed past Gavin to leave the tent.  Gavin stood there for a moment before he followed Robert out.  I made myself look at him before he left, I had nothing to be ashamed of so there was no reason to hide my face from him.  I took a deep breath in and then met his gaze, he was strikingly handsome, more so than Robert.  His jaw tightened for a brief second when our eyes met, and then he turned and ducked out of the tent.  I let out the breath I was holding then quickly got up and threw my crumpled dress on and followed him out of the tent.  I needed to find the woman.